A giant of a man got out of the house and stood over me. “If you ever hurt her, I’ll kill you,” he boomed /AI ILLUSTRATION
Dear Diary,
My best friend is a fella called Enoch. We have known each other for decades now and although we do not see eye-to-eye on everything, we get along well enough.
He also happens to be married. Happily so, he claims, but the nights he has spent on my couch say otherwise. Still, having been in shackles for roughly two years, Enoch fancies himself a relationship expert now.
“Ever heard of the quote ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.’?” he asked me the other day.
“Of course, I have,” I said. “It’s by Albert Einstein, right?”
“Wrong. People think it is, but it’s not. It’s from an old book titled Sudden Death. But it still applies to you.”
“How?”
“You keep dating these young women thinking things will change, yet you know they won’t.”
That made me laugh. “What do you think I’m trying to change?”
“Don’t you want to strike it lucky? Get a nice lady and settle down?”
“I don’t want to be married.”
“You think you don’t want to be married. That’s why you do everything for it not to happen. You’re your own worst enemy. If you want good milk, you should buy a cow.”
“What?”
“You know what you need to do?”
I shook my head. “I know you’re going to tell me. So, go ahead.”
“There’s this nice lady, a friend of my wife’s.”
“A blind date?” I banged the table as I shook with laughter. “All that lecture for a blind date? C’mon, Enoch, what’s wrong with her?”
“Nothing. She’s gorgeous, successful, very well educated… She’s the real package, Tom. You’ll like her.”
“There’s more. I can feel it. What are you not saying?”
“Well…” He took his time swirling the beer in his glass then taking a sip. “Okay, I’ll just come out with it. She has a kid.”
That was odd. “So what? I’ve dated women with kids before. Remember my neighbour? The one with the girl who loved me? We dated for—”
“It’s a boy.”
“A kid’s a kid. You ask me, kids are the perfect versions of ourselves. It’s only that life messes it all up and we end up as the twisted versions of—”
“You’re stalling, Tom. Will you see her? I promised my wife…”
“Oh. So, this is about your wife. You should have led with that. And it’s also the reason why I’ll never get married.”
He looked me in the eye. “Tom, you’re a doctor, right?”
“Last time I checked.”
“Then you know that sometimes a trusted medication doesn’t work. What do you do?”
“I change it.”
“Yes.” He grabbed my hands. “You have to change it, or I will.”
Confused, I asked, “You’re going to get me married by force?”
“No, Tom. I’ll have to find a new friend.”
“I see.” I extricate my hands from his. “Your wife told you that you can’t be friends with a bachelor, right?”
“Tom, you have to understand…”
“I understand, Enoch. Perfectly. And tell you what? I’m willing to do anything for the sake of our friendship.”
“You mean that? What about tomorrow? Name the place.”
Enoch’s mysterious woman was thirty-two years and drop-dead gorgeous. She was an accountant who loved hikes and the gym. We hit it off right away and had the most amazing time. At the end of our date, I dropped her off at her place.
A giant of a man got out of the house and stood over me. “If you ever hurt her, I’ll kill you,” he boomed.
“Who are you?” I asked.
“He’s my boy,” the woman said. “Just a baby, really. He’s only eighteen.”
