The conversation recently came up during a discussion on Kiss FM Breakfast Show hosted by Mwalimu King’ang’i and Maina Kageni, where callers shared candid views about modern relationships and commitment.
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One caller said he's not prepared for the responsibilities that come with marriage, including school fees, family obligations, and emotional pressure.
Another caller was even more direct.
“As long as I have money, peace, and my freedom, I don’t want pressure,” he reportedly said during the discussion.
The man added that he preferred casual relationships and was only interested in “hit and run” arrangements rather than long-term commitment.
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Several women interviewed around Nairobi described a similar pattern. They said some older men appear loving, generous, and emotionally available at the beginning of relationships, but become uncomfortable once conversations about commitment begin.
One woman in her early 30s said her boyfriend completely changed after she asked whether he saw marriage in their future.
“The moment I asked what we really were, he changed completely. He suddenly became too busy for everything,” she said.
Another woman claimed the man she dated for nearly two years disappeared after she suggested they introduce each other to family members.
“He told me he was not ready for pressure and responsibilities. After that conversation, communication was reduced completely,” she said.
A third respondent said many men over 40 seem comfortable as long as relationships remain uncomplicated.
“They want the benefits of a relationship without being questioned about commitment,” she explained.
Another woman said some older men openly admit they fear marriage because of financial and emotional obligations.
“One told me he had already struggled enough in life and did not want school fees, stress, or constant accountability,” she said.
A fifth woman linked the behaviour to changing urban lifestyles among financially stable men.
“Most of them are comfortable alone. They travel, go out with friends, and enjoy peace. They see marriage as something that might interrupt that freedom,” she said.
According to relationship counsellors, fear of responsibility is becoming more common among middle-aged men who may have experienced difficult marriages, financial strain, or painful breakups earlier in life.
Many now prefer companionship without long-term obligations.
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In urban Kenya, more men over 40 are financially comfortable than in previous generations. Some own businesses, drive expensive cars, and enjoy independent lifestyles built over many years.
For some, marriage is increasingly viewed as a disruption rather than a personal milestone.
Data from the Kenya National Bureau of Statistics has previously shown that the average age of marriage in urban areas continues to rise, especially among professionals.
Relationship experts say changing lifestyles, fear of divorce, and social media culture are also influencing attitudes towards commitment.
They argue that many people now prioritise personal peace, freedom, and financial stability over traditional family expectations.
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They said many now prioritise peace, travel, entertainment, and freedom over building long-term family structures.
“They want companionship without accountability,” one respondent said.
Others blamed peer influence, especially within wealthy social circles where bachelor lifestyles are admired and normalised well into middle age.
During the radio discussion, one caller jokingly said men did not want pressure because “Maina Kageni is still their colleague,” referencing the veteran presenter’s long-standing bachelor image.
