In a recent podcast, digital content creator and former Over 25 co-host Julia Gaitho shared why traditional matrimonial customs are, for her, an essential part of any wedding ceremony.
Gaitho described the absence of such rituals as a “dealbreaker,” explaining that their importance goes beyond mere tradition and is something “you can only feel.”
A Family-Rooted Understanding of Rituals
Gaitho’s perspective is shaped by firsthand observation of family ceremonies, including those of her father and relatives.
She explained that watching them carry out traditional duties for her cousin helped her understand the depth of meaning embedded in the rituals.
She emphasized that the rituals create a special atmosphere that cannot be fully explained through words, but must be experienced.
Weeks of Preparation and Constant Energy
According to Gaitho, the traditional process involves weeks of preparation in the family home, driven by a constant energy that builds every Friday.
She said that uncles gather regularly to plan the logistics of the ceremony, including the selection of livestock.
Family members assess which relatives have access to the best goats or sheep, and the planning is carried out with precision and dedication.
Gaitho noted that participants even practice the rituals using chickens before moving on to more significant livestock like sheep.
"Seeing your uncles coming every Friday coming to the house they are sitting and then they're asking do you know this guy who has this go to... the sheep," she said.
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She described the evolving preparations as a “beautiful” process, with a new ritual or tradition emerging each week, keeping the family actively engaged and invested in the wedding’s progress.
"It was the constant energy of the wedding the the family and then every week there's a new thing there's a new thing... it's beautiful the ritual around it," she said.
Traditional Negotiations and Gender Boundaries
Gaitho also discussed the formal negotiation stage of the wedding process, explaining that the events leading up to it are equally significant. However, she highlighted a strict gender divide that is upheld during these ceremonies.
During the negotiation phase, women are not allowed to participate or even be present in the room where the men meet. Gaitho said, “women we can’t go down” during these sessions, describing the exclusion as “stupid” and “patriarchal.”
A Complex but Positive Relationship With Tradition
Even while acknowledging the patriarchal nature of the customs, Gaitho expressed a strong personal affinity for the traditional framework. She stated,
"It's stupid. It's patriarchal. But I love it. I love that,” referring to the overall process and its cultural significance.
For her, the rituals are more than a ceremony they are a vital connection to family and identity, shaping the matrimonial experience in a way that modern weddings cannot replicate.
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