“The Church Cannot Support You,” Sarah Mtalii's Brutal Verdict About Churches and Marriage

Sarah Mtalii, co-founder of Bonfire Adventures, has spoken openly about the end of her 15-year marriage and the challenges she faced afterward.

In a candid interview with Alex Mwakindeu Podcast, Mtalii said she was forced to question the support systems available to women going through marital breakdowns, particularly within religious and social institutions.

She said institutions that emphasise the sanctity of marriage often do not offer help when the marriage becomes unsustainable.

“The church cannot support you,” she said, describing the gap between the ideal of marriage and the reality of divorce.

Divorce Compared to Death

Mtalii described divorce as a process “as hard as death,” but noted that the societal response differs greatly. While death usually draws community support and sympathy, she said divorce often leads to social isolation.

She said families who have not experienced divorce may withdraw from the individual, leaving them to handle the transition alone. She added that women are often blamed or offered advice that overlooks the emotional pain involved.

“Instead of understanding, women often face blame or are given advice that fails to acknowledge the internal bleeding,” she said.

Isolation and Health Consequences

Mtalii said the absence of a strong support system can have serious health consequences. She explained that stress in her marriage, which she realised was failing by the fourth year, led to physical conditions such as reflux acidity and body inflammation.

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She warned that staying in a highly stressed situation without disconnecting can weaken a person’s immunity and overall health.

To highlight the dangers of lacking support, she shared the story of a woman who experienced marital betrayal and had no support system to help her cope.

Mtallii said the woman developed dangerously high blood pressure, which led to heart and kidney failure and eventually required dialysis.

Finding Support Outside Traditional Networks

In the absence of support from religious institutions and family, Mtalii said she found strength through her lawyer.

She described him as a friend who provided emotional support during domestic violence and the legal process of separation. 

She said he acted as a protector when she felt most vulnerable and emphasised that women need a friend who can offer consistent support.

Mtallii said companionship is important during the period after separation to prevent depression.

Life After Separation

Since her separation, Mtalii said she has chosen to “live her truth” instead of maintaining a public image. She said she has launched a new company, V Explorers, while continuing her work with Bonfire Adventures.

She encouraged women to prioritise self-love, a concept she called “Japende,” and financial independence. Mtalii said women often begin to “glow again” once they leave stressful environments, regaining health and vitality.