Journalist and media personality Ciru Muriuki has shared an emotional message on Instagram highlighting common phrases that people should avoid saying to someone who is grieving.
In a candid video, Ciru explained that while many of these statements are often well-intentioned, they can be deeply hurtful or dismissive to someone mourning a loved one.
Phrases to Avoid When Someone Is Grieving
Ciru highlighted several common remarks that people should refrain from using:
“It is well.”
She explained that this phrase feels invalidating:“It is the opposite of well. Just say nothing.”
“They are in a better place.”
According to Ciru, this is painful to hear because: “The only better place I would want is here with me.”
“They wouldn’t want you to be sad.”
Ciru rejected the assumption behind this statement: “Don’t tell me what my loved ones would have wanted.”
“This will make you a better person.”
She emphasized that pain does not need to be romanticized or turned into a lesson.
“Don’t worry, you’ll get another one.”
Ciru called this one of the most insensitive comments—especially to parents who have lost a child. She stressed that no loss can be “replaced” by another child.
Her message resonated widely, sparking discussions about how society often misunderstands grief and how best to support people who are grieving.
Her Reflections Come Days After She Shared Her Personal Journey Through Loss
Ciru’s video follows a recent reflective Instagram post where she opened up about the profound impact of losing two of the most important men in her life—her father and her fiancé, journalist Charles Ouda.
Losing Her Father
Ciru said that her first real encounter with grief came when her father died from COVID-19.
“Before 2020 I did not know what grief was until I lost my dad. My dad and I were very close.”
She described it as one of the most painful experiences of her life, one that showed her how sudden and permanent loss can be.
Losing Her Fiancé, Charles Ouda
She then faced a second devastating loss earlier this year when her fiancé Charles Ouda passed away—a heartbreak she says tested her emotionally and spiritually in new ways.
Ciru explained that grief does not simply go away with time:
“It’s not something that fades. It’s something you learn to live with.”
Her experiences, she said, have forced her to develop deeper patience, self-compassion, and understanding for others navigating similar pain.
She added that the journey has made her appreciate the fragility of time and the importance of cherishing every moment with loved ones.
“Grief has made me aware of the value of time and the significance of the people we love.”
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