Most advice you see online on the art of fingering is really bad. The majority of techniques will make a woman feel horrible, and she will hate it instead of being stimulated.

Avoiding these seven mistakes will make a woman feel much better. I work with women as a sex educator, so this is not just something I think works well for my wife; it is from the experience shared by thousands of women. 

1. A MUST TO USE TWO FINGERS

Not all women like being stimulated with two fingers because every body has a unique anatomy, nerve distribution and comfort levels. What feels good for one person may feel too tight, uncomfortable or overwhelming for another. Always start with one finger. Starting with one finger helps the body relax and adjust to new feelings. It prevents pain, lowers stress and makes the experience feel much better before you add a second finger.

2. USING ONLY COME-HITHER MOTION

Come-hither motion is creating maximum sensation on the G-spot. It involves curving your fingers up all the way so they press towards the back wall and making a ‘come here’ motion. Using only a come-hither finger motion during manual stimulation is often less effective because it relies on a single, repetitive scraping action. This narrow movement misses the broader and more sensitive areas of the body. It can also cause muscle strain in the hand and lead to too much friction or discomfort, mix with side-to-side motion, circular strokes and non-visible vibration. Mixing is effective because it engages multiple groups of nerve endings at once, prevents sensory adaptation and builds intense physiological arousal.

3.USING UNKEMPT DRY FINGERS

Using unkempt, dry fingers for stimulation is dangerous because rough or dirty skin can easily scratch delicate mucosal tissues, introduce harmful bacteria and cause painful friction. This combination significantly raises the risk of micro-tears, irritation and infections, such as bacterial vaginosis or urinary tract infections.

4.IGNORING FEEDBACK

Paying close attention to verbal and non-verbal feedback during stimulation is vital because every body responds differently. Observing feedback allows partners to calibrate pressure, speed and rhythm, ensuring the experience is physically comfortable, safe and pleasurable.

5.FOCUSING ONLY ON G-SPOT

Focusing only on the G-spot during fingering misses most of the body's pleasure points. The clitoris has many hidden parts that spread deep inside. Touching other areas brings more pleasure, keeping things warm and fun. Variety matters because most feeling lives on the outer part. The clitoris holds the most nerve endings. Not every person feels strong pleasure from the G-spot alone; some feel pain or no pleasure at all. Too much focus may feel uncomfortable, while rubbing one small spot for too long can cause ache or numb feelings. The walls of the canal and the outer lips are full of nerve endings that love light pressure and strokes.

6.NOT TAKING ENOUGH TIME

Taking enough time for manual stimulation (fingering) during intimacy is important because it allows physical arousal to build properly, increases comfort and natural lubrication and helps women reach orgasm, as penetrative sex alone is often not enough. Slower pacing transforms intimacy from a race to a shared, satisfying experience.

7.NOT USING LUBE

Using lubricant during fingering is important because it reduces friction, prevents painful skin irritation or tiny tears on delicate tissues and makes the experience much smoother and more comfortable. Nails and dry skin can easily scratch sensitive areas, making extra moisture essential for safety and fun. Lube makes the sensation feel much better and more natural and helps cover sharp or dry edges from fingernails.

8.PUSHING HER TO ORGASM

Pushing a woman to orgasm creates mental and physical tension that ruins pleasure. When a partner focuses only on the climax, it feels like a chore or pressure rather than fun. This rush can cause pain, anxiety and a feeling of being ignored or forced. Just continue creating the energy. Focus on the process, not the end results.

Dagitari Waruinu is a sexologist

Contact: 0745506140

Social media handles: @Dagitariwaruinu