Letter to Younger Self: Focus, everything else is noise

Every scar has a story. “Letter to My Younger Self” invites you into the reflective hearts of people who've walked winding roads—offering gentle truths, bold lessons, and encouragement for anyone still figuring it out. These weekly letters are full of grace and grit, showing how setbacks shape wisdom and how the past still holds power to teach. From nurturing curiosity to embracing mentorship, each piece is a tribute to growth through lived experience.

Laureen Magotsi, an advocate for Access to Justice & Alternative Dispute Resolution pens this week’s heartfelt Letter to My Younger Self.

Dear Younger Self,

I have a lot to say to my younger self with the benefit of hindsight.

If I could sit across from my younger self today — that girl with big dreams, great enthusiasm, carefree life and a heart full of ambition — I would share 10 key points and not in any particular order.

1. Build Meaningful Relationships

Dear younger self, your social life should be treated as an investment. The people you meet early in life, the friendships you nurture, the bridges you build with sincerity, will matter more than you can imagine.

Be deliberate about friends and family. As the saying goes, your network is your net worth. Relationships are not just about proximity; they are about purpose, trust, and shared growth. Some friendships grow from early in life- these are usually the most sincere; while others are picked along the way.

Whichever way you get friends, be deliberate about nurturing the great ones. Great friendships ground you, encourage and challenge you to be better; in times of trouble, they become the anchors that keep you sane- they remind you of your dreams, vision and the days before life did a good one on you.

As you build relationships, never get embarrassed to seek mentorship of those who have gone ahead of you. Secondly, never tire to seek help, advise and guidance at whatever stage in life. I have made great strides in life because of great mentors along the way, I only wish I sought them out sooner and in areas that were critical to my growth.

2. Learn your ‘WHY’

As early as you can, understand your ‘WHY’. Why are you here and what should you be doing? Others call it purpose, others call it vision; either way get to understand it and live it. Understanding your why guides your actions.

It guides your path and provides clarity. I always knew I had something great to achieve but couldn’t quite put my finger on it till much later in my life. This late clarity meant that I took some paths I shouldn’t have and it cost me time and opportunities.

In addition, if you are not committed to your own vision, people will induct you into theirs and often at the expense of your own progress. Serving others is noble and work is a school of growth but serving without direction can lead to years of motion without advancement. It is akin to a bicycle chain that moves without change in position.

Every organisation knows what it wants, which is why it advertises jobs with clear descriptions. The question is: do you have a clear description for your own life? As Steve Jobs put it, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.”

3. Invest in yourself as an emergency

To my younger self, please  take more time to nurture your talents and abilities. Build your capacity through acquisition of knowledge, skills and sharpened talents.

If you are familiar with the Bible parable of the talents, you know that each servant was given talents according to their ability not potential. You can have great potential but life responds to you according to the capacity you build. If you want to rise higher, faster, most often you will need to build capacity for bigger and higher.

The converse is true that if you lack capacity, very few things and responsibilities will be entrusted to you. If you have big dreams, invest more in the direction of those dreams.

There are opportunities for growth that I missed; chances to learn, to stretch, to sharpen skills back when I had more time. Now time is a rarer currency because there are different responsibilities pulling from each side. Grab every opportunity for self-improvement while you can.

4. Put God at the Centre of your Life

I consider myself as generally religious, seeking to please my Maker in how I live out my life.

So to my younger self I would say, while practicing religion, master the principles it advocates for: integrity, diligence, excellence, fruitfulness, dominion, hard work et al. It is possible to be busy with spiritual activity and yet miss spiritual transformation.

Faith is not measured by how many conferences you attend, but by the principles you live out from those meetings. By actual transformation that is evidenced by impact in the society.

5. Embrace you

You are You are not “too much,” but a multi-talented, multi-dimensional, and richly gifted individual. When you were younger, you often felt like your capacities were overwhelming to those around you.

But from where I sit now, those very talents have become tools — necessary, strategic and beautifully painting the canvas of your purpose. As Maryanne Williamson said, “Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.“  Go out and shine, be the best you can be.

6. Manage your resources better

Prioritise yourself before others and make sure you have a solid foundation before you help others. This sounds mean but it's a tough lesson learnt.

When you pour yourself out for people, you use your resources and if you are not pouring from a solid foundation; your resources will be depleted and you will join those who were seeking help from you. When you help, try and be selective as well so that you help people who are also determined to grow make something out of their lives.

That way, your assistance becomes an investment in someone else’s life as opposed to a waste. Generosity is great but tricky if you are pouring out from an empty cup.

7. Create systems in your life

This is probably the second most important lesson I can share- make sure you develop structures to support your life whether it’s your dreams: dreams, visions, finances, relationships and faith. Have values and principles that guide your life and decisions. Vision needs strategy, finances need principles and relationships faith needs discipline.

Deliberately build them into your life. When money comes and finds systems that support its growth, it grows. When it finds chaos, it disappears. When relationships find you with low self-esteem they will ruin you. James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.”

8. You cannot afford the price of discouragement

This lesson hit me very hard when we were transporting my late mother’s body for interment in our rural home. We had an airport stop over in Nairobi and while we were engrossed in sorrow, people around us looked upbeat, chatting and planning their next business moves.

It dawned on me quite harshly then, that even when challenges and difficult moments come, dwelling in seasons of sorrow rob you of progress. It sounds harsh, but whatever you need to do to heal, please do because life and time do not wait for anyone. In those prolonged seasons of sorrow or discouragement, life is moving, opportunities are passing you by, people are growing and changing. If you get heartbroken, rise up quickly, heal and move on.

9. People are people

This is a tough one. Choose your associations carefully and even as you do that, remember that people are driven by interests, passions and beliefs that may oftentimes come into conflict with your own. There will be people who will hurt you, reject you and even despise your sacrifices for them.

 On social media or elsewhere, people will form very strong opinions about you based on rumors and slander because it fits their erroneous narratives. Remember, people are people. Don’t overly invest your feelings in people and should you do so, extend grace to them for the sake of your own wellbeing.

Don’t carry grudges, don’t have very high expectations of people; do your best in every circumstance and graciously accept what come thereafter.

10. You are the one in the arena

Allow me to share one of my favorite quotes from President Roosevelt of the United States of America- “It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Dare to do great things. Do them boldly, fiercely and with commitment. Be kind to yourself when you falter because you will but never give up on yourself. People will watch and have opinions on what you could or should have done but many do not know the options that were available to you then. You’d rather fail while daring greatly than to be found among the timid souls who never dared to do anything great!

To my younger self, no one has all the answers in life so dare greatly guided by wisdom knowledge and conviction. You may miss it many times but you’d rather regret for things you did in good faith and got wrong than things you never did out of fear. As the good book says, all things work together for good. The canvas of your life will come together and give an amazing work of art.

Yours sincerely,

Your Older Self.

Everyone has a story worth sharing. If you’ve ever wished you could talk to your younger self—with wisdom, forgiveness, or clarity—we invite you to write to us. Your real, heartfelt letter might just be the encouragement someone else needs today. You may remain anonymous if preferred, but your truth matters. We don’t pay contributors, but we believe in the power of shared experience. Join us in building a collection of life’s hard-earned lessons and gentle reminders.

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