Kenyan Men Decry Matrimonial Bed Crisis – Babies Sleeping In Between

A fiery debate has ignited across Kenyan airwaves, centred on a deeply personal issue: babies sleeping in the matrimonial bed, often positioned between parents, leading to a significant restriction of spousal intimacy.

The topic came to light during Classic 105 FM's popular "Morning Conversation" hosted by Mike Mondo and Mwalimu King'ang'i, drawing a flood of complaints from men across the country.

Listeners shared harrowing accounts of prolonged periods without access to their wives, with some situations lasting years.

 The issue, described by host Mike Mondo as "shocking," appears to be a common, yet unaddressed, problem in many Kenyan households.

Years Without Intimacy

One distressed gentleman recounted how his two-year-old and one-month-old son has been sleeping between him and his 28-year-old wife since birth.

 He expressed experiencing real pain of not accessing his wife for conjugal rights for a substantial period.

“Mike, I've been through hell. I can't access my wife. ... You can't touch a child; they're being put in the middle. Now I've tried, I've tried to address this issue ... it's completely failed,” the man lamented.

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He noted that his wife tends to become silent for days if angered.

The discussion escalated with calls from other men revealing even longer durations of marital separation within the same bed.

Extreme Cases: Four and Seven Years

A caller from Nakuru shared a particularly "serious" experience, revealing that his child slept in the matrimonial bed for a staggering four years.

He vividly described waking up to find his child's foot in his mouth. The situation became so unbearable that he eventually moved to sleep on the sofa.

“Mine was very serious. I mean, imagine a child reached four years old, that is, until I wake up at night and find his foot in my mouth, until I move myself, and now, I go to sleep on the sofa."

He claimed his wife remained silent when he complained, suspecting she was trying to avoid conjugal rights.

The child even began to assert control, reportedly telling him, "Dad si ungeenda tu ulale kwa kiti huko" (Dad, why don't you just go sleep on the chair). This caller stated it was "so traumatizing".

In an even more astounding revelation, another woman called in, confessing that her seven-year-old child still shares the bed with her and her husband.

When challenged about the child's presence, she stated, "Sio saa hii" (Not now) and indicated that she wouldn't remove the child anytime soon. She also mentioned that she bathes in front of the child.

Why Do Women Keep Babies in Bed?

Mike Mondo urged ladies to explain their reasons for keeping babies in the matrimonial bed for such extended periods, questioning if it's for "convenience, peace of mind," or other factors.

He highlighted that babies could be in a cot or a different room.

Listeners offer various theories

• Lack of Love/Marital Issues: Some callers suggested a deeper problem, with one stating, "there's no love there". A female caller, a "mother of boys," believed the wife uses the child "as a base" because "there's something that is so broken in that marriage". She posited that the wife does not feel this guy and may harbour some kind of resentment.

•Birth Control Medication:One male caller, Patrick, offered an alternative explanation, suggesting that certain birth control medications used by women after childbirth could "turn them off" or make their bodies "cold".

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He shared his personal experience, noting his wife's body became "barid" (cold) for about two years due to such medication. He advised partners to understand this possibility and seek better contraceptive options.

• Shift in Affection:A female caller explained that after childbirth, "a lot of love goes to the child," making it "very hard to love this guy 100%". However, she stressed that if a husband provides, the wife should also provide for him, recounting her mother-in-law's advice: "even if the child is sick, put them aside, shughulikia mtoto mkubwa kwanza" (attend to the big child first - husband), as the child won't die, and intimacy takes only about 20 minutes2.

• "Solution" for Men:One male caller provocatively suggested that if the situation becomes too tough, the husband should "look for a helper" (an alternative partner). He believed this would prompt the wife to realise and bring her attention back.