For 29-year-old Consolata Wairimu, the jackpot she assumed of dating her best friend turned out to be a ticking time bomb.
What she thought would be the most blissful chapter of her life instead detonated into years of therapy, shattered trust, and a gaping absence where her closest friend used to be.
The romance did not just fail- it scorched the very foundation it was built on, leaving behind a tangle of regret and unanswered questions.
As she leaned back in her chair while tracing the outline of her story, her voice was steady, but her eyes held the echo of a love that promised forever and delivered only a lesson.
“There had always been palpable chemistry between us from the onset of our friendship- people often mistook us for a couple,” Wairimu said.
In spite of this chemistry between them, they were both too scared to take the risk of having a romantic relationship. The complexity of being best friends for eight years was a hurdle they did not want to deal with.
However, the more she tried to bury her feelings, the more intense they became.
“During our Friday hangout, I just blurted out that dating did not seem that bad of an idea- I fully expected him to shut me down immediately,” Wairimu stated.
However, after twenty minutes of silence from his end, he agreed to give a romantic relationship a fair shot. The bliss of the first two months of dating was one that she had never felt before.
Going on random restaurant dates, watching Netflix on the weekends, and having sleepovers- life was beautiful for her. Unbeknownst to her, this euphoric feeling would be short-lived.
“The first thing that sounded alarm bells in my mind was how our arguments went from zero to 100 in the blink of an eye.” Wairimu expressed.
While the freedom that comes with a friendship had simmered down the intensity of their arguments over the years, dating did not give them the leeway of burying their heads in the sand for as long as possible.
In a romantic relationship, she realised how fiery both their personalities were. After several months of clutching at straws in their relationship, she decided to break up with him.
“We were each other’s kryptonite- eight years of friendship had given us the ammunition for hurting each other in the worst way possible,” Wairimu voiced.
Even though the breakup was inevitable, their friendship still took a hit. The giddy and light-hearted conversations that they normally had were now laced with toe-curling awkwardness.
The awkwardness got so bad that they both decided that a short time apart was necessary.
“There are still weekly calls and occasional texts, but I would be lying if I said that I did not miss my best friend,” Wambui emphasised.
Residing in a quiet corner of Ruiru, Adam Omollo has learned that not every gamble pays off- especially in love.
At 30, fresh out of a failed romance with his best friend, he remembers the leap of faith that was supposed to end his wandering days.
Instead, it ended spectacularly in heartbreak, leaving him to reassess everything he thought he knew.
“For my dream of marrying by my 30th birthday to come true, I had to get to work immediately,” Omollo said.
Much to his dismay, finding a romantic partner who was ready to settle down seemed like finding a needle in a haystack.
While he had never lacked a woman who was interested in him, his mentioning that he wanted a committed relationship immediately sent women running for the hills.
“One evening, as I was lamenting about my predicament to my best friend of five years, I jokingly commented that I would date her,” Omollo stated.
A comment that he thought she had dismissed as a joke ended up turning the wheels in her mind. Bright and early the following morning, his best friend called him asking if he seriously considered dating her.
Though he was initially shocked, he decided to embark on the journey of dating his best friend. Dating someone he knew inside out, he reasoned, nothing could go wrong.
“The genesis of our relationship's crumbling was when I realised that she planned to be nonchalant throughout- the burden of advancing our relationship fell squarely on my shoulders.” Omollo expressed.
Initially, he tried to chalk up this nonchalant behaviour to her feeling awkward for dating someone she had considered ‘one of her bros’ for five years.
However, after four months of trying to bear the burden of breathing life into their relationship, he had finally had enough. Confronting her about the behaviour only resulted in a toxic cycle of heated arguments.
“When she said that the only reason she was dating me was because she felt sorry for me, I did not need anything else to break up with her and cut her out of my life,” Omollo grimaced.
All in all, not all romantic relationships with best friends are doomed. In the leafy compound in Juja, Diana Mwende, with a smile that was half amusement, half disbelief, talked to The Star.
At 36, she is married to her best friend of fifteen years- a twist she never saw coming. Though they had always had love for each other from childhood, they had both assumed that it was platonic.
“When we were 13, we promised to marry each other if we were still single by the time we turned 30- it was obviously a joke,” Mwende said.
However, unbeknownst to her, this light-hearted moment would become her reality years later. Years of trying to survive character developments in Nairobi’s dating scene were made better by the support they received from each other.
Taking turns, they made comforting each other a priority in their friendship.
“Imagine my surprise when my best friend asked me out for dinner while we were at our shared 30th birthday party- I had even forgotten about the pact we made.” Mwende comically said.
Whether because they are naturally jokesters or the peculiar reason for their dating, the pressure that would have otherwise been there dissipated. Taking the time to enjoy the fun parts of dating, conversations flowed naturally, and their chemistry only heightened.
Ultimately, their 13 years of friendship were a good foundation for a romantic relationship that could weather any storm.
“If you had told me a few years ago that I would be married to my best friend, I would have thought that you were just pulling my leg- marriage with my best friend is the best,” Mwende expressed with a smile.
According to Paul Lukase, a relationship expert, dating your best friend can be wonderful, but it is important to approach it with care and consideration.
Reflecting on your feelings is the first step. By being self-aware, make sure your desire to date your best friend stems from genuine feelings and not loneliness or a desire for convenience.
“It is important to be honest with yourself about your expectations and what you hope to gain from the relationship,” Lukase advised.
Furthermore, discuss what this new relationship means for both of you, including expectations for intimacy, exclusivity, and communication.
By defining the relationship, conversations will be more natural about what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior, especially regarding physical intimacy and flirting.
“When a friendship elevates to a romantic relationship, most people forget that the friendship brought you together initially is equally important- take the time to nurture this as well.” Lukase emphasized.
Comments 0
Sign in to join the conversation
Sign In Create AccountNo comments yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!