When sisterhood turns sour: Inside the rise of male-centred friendships

Just like everything else in modern times, female friendships have evolved. On platforms like TikTok, some women have boldly opened up about how the foundation of female friendships has drastically changed.

What once promised women a lifelong sisterhood is now often laced with complications. While not all female friendships fall into this trap, encounters with friends who are only interested in your money or boyfriend are no longer rare.

The latest concern? Male-centred women.

Speaking to The Star, Priscilla Amondi, 28, explained how a male-centred friend shattered her once-close group two years ago. From her home in Kahawa Sukari, she recalled how her circle of two childhood friends was once her lifeline.

Trying to navigate the chaos of adulthood, their weekly meetups were her emotional escape.

“At that time, I was glad that even though everything else in my life was in shambles, I at least had a sisterhood that would weather any storm,” Amondi said.

In her third year of university, she met another student who had just joined the drama club. Naturally warm, Amondi introduced herself—an innocent gesture that would ultimately end her cherished friendship.

“Seeing that she was as outgoing as I was, I didn’t hesitate to integrate her into my friend group,” she recalled.

After their first meeting, her childhood friends voiced concerns, saying they had a bad feeling about the new addition. Amondi dismissed it, assuming they were just being overly protective.

“The first red flag came during a house party with our male friends—she started acting strangely,” Amondi said.

Typically tomboyish, the new friend suddenly adopted a soft, feminine persona. Her raised voice and damsel-in-distress routine in front of the guys caught everyone's attention. Amondi and her friends exchanged wary glances.

Though that moment prompted her friends to back away, Amondi gave her the benefit of the doubt—an openness she later regretted.

“The final straw was when she openly flirted with a guy I had crushed on since first year. She had the audacity to say he was fair game,” she said.

In Kilimani, Helen Wambui, 30, also recounted her experience with a male-centred friend. A year ago, she found herself stuck in a toxic cycle.

At 29, Wambui had sworn off investing in female friendships after a previous one ended in betrayal.

“After putting my time and money into my ex-best friend’s business idea, I later found out it was all an elaborate scam,” Wambui said.

So when a female coworker began chatting her up, she kept her distance. But after two months of persistent attempts, Wambui let her guard down.

“I thought I’d seen all the red flags in female friendships. I was wrong.”

By month four, trouble brewed. She introduced her new boyfriend to the friend, who immediately began undermining the relationship.

“She said I was stooping too low. That kind of unsolicited advice from a friend I barely knew shocked me,” Wambui said.

Though the friend later toned it down, Wambui tried to salvage the friendship. Then, she found the friend’s number in her boyfriend’s phone. Alarmed, she confronted him.

“I always believe the woman first, so I was hysterical. But my boyfriend told me she was the one who saved her number in his phone.”

Wambui pushed for more answers. Her boyfriend explained that the friend claimed a closer friendship with him would strengthen their relationship.

“When I confronted her, she said it was normal for women to be close to their best friends’ boyfriends. She didn’t see any issue with doing it behind my back.”

According to Ben Njogu, a relationship expert, a healthy female friendship should stand on its own, not revolve around male attention. With male-centred women, interest in the friendship may rise when men are present and fade when they aren’t.

“Over time, the female friend starts to feel like a placeholder until a man enters the room,” Njogu said.

He adds that such women often break the unwritten code of sisterhood, like going after a friend’s crush, because male validation trumps loyalty.

“There’s also emotional unavailability. Conversations tend to centre around her romantic life, leaving little space for your needs.”

Njogu advises learning to establish and maintain boundaries in friendships.

“It’s better to be called mean than be manipulated into a toxic dynamic,” he said.