Silent tug-of-war: The price of parental control in career choices

The gospel of education being the key to success has been preached for a long time.

Unlike in the West, where children are encouraged to discover their passions, most African countries place importance on education.

Having invested a lot of resources in their children’s education, some parents are unwilling to leave the career advancement of their children up to chance.

This group of parents does not shy away from giving their two cents and ultimately having the final say in their children’s career choices.

In an interview in Muthaiga, Vincent Matinde, aged 28 and currently an engineer, detailed how he tried to put up a strong fight against his parents’ influence on his career choice.

While in high school, Matinde had always performed well in the science subjects.

Contrary to his parents’ perception, his good performance did not equate to his passion for the sciences.

‎“Right now, looking back, I think how hilarious it was that even after sleeping during most science classes, I still emerged at the top after every exam,” Matinde said.

‎From a young age, he was always under the impression that his passion for art was apparent.

For instance, while all his playmates at daycare would be lax with the colouring assignments, he would fixate on one diagram until he was satisfied with his work.

Having gone for numerous art competitions, both local and international, he had tunnel vision for an art career.

‎“Through the connections I had made in the art competitions, I was confident that an art career would be feasible,” Matinde stated.

‎However, after seeing that his parents would not budge on a science career, he finally gave in to their demand.

Initially, his parents had insisted on he following their footsteps by choosing a career in medicine.

After seeing how his parents’ medical careers took centre stage in their lives, he quickly shut down this suggestion.

‎“Backed into a corner, I decided to pick an engineering career—that was the only option I was sure would not lead me down the road of insanity,” Matinde explained.

‎After five years of clutching at straws in numerous lecture halls and examination rooms, he graduated with first-class honours.

He had fully prepared himself to join the statistics of unemployed engineers in Kenya.

However, after securing a paid internship at a reputable company three months after graduation, his pessimistic attitude drastically changed.

Immediately after his internship, he was fortunate enough to be offered a high-paying position in the same company.

‎“Though I could never admit this to my parents, I am happy that they pushed me to an engineering career for financial stability—I can always pursue my art passion later,” Matinde expressed.

‎Speaking from Kahawa West, Aisha Khamisa, aged 25 and currently a nurse, revealed that a nursing profession had always been engraved in her mind from a young age.

With the high unemployment rate in Kenya, her parents believed that pursuing nursing would place her ahead of the curve.

‎“Reasoning that a nursing job would always be in demand, there was no question in the minds of my parents that this was the profession I would pursue in college,” Khamisa said.

‎In high school, she began questioning whether a career forced on her by her parents was a future she desired.

The genesis of this retrospection was a passion for acting she discovered in her second year of high school.

Rehearsing with her fellow castmates in their school’s hall, she felt an adrenaline rush that she wished to pursue for the rest of her life.

‎“You can imagine the stern lectures I got from my parents after I finally told them I wanted to be an actor—I had never seen my father that enraged,” Khamisa stated.

Her lack of interest in the course definitely did not alleviate her situation.

‎“The fuel driving me to be the best in my class was the assurance of securing a job immediately after graduating—three years of my life couldn’t just go down the drain,” Khamisa explained.

‎When she was offered a full-time nursing position in a reputable hospital a week after graduation, she was relieved that she at least had a stable job.

Much to her surprise, working with the patients sparked an interest that had not been there previously.

Right before every shift, she realised that she genuinely looked forward to interacting with and helping her patients.

‎“In a surprisingly full-circle moment, I ended up finding my passion through my parents’ forceful influence in my career choice,” Khamisa expressed.

‎Nevertheless, not all forceful influences from parents lead to successful careers. In an interview in Mwihoko, Jeremy Olendo, aged 26 and currently unemployed, stated that he still rues the day he allowed his parents to influence what he pursued in university.

Though he had always been indecisive throughout his childhood, he had an epiphany in his last year of high school about the career he wanted to pursue.

‎“In an afternoon computer class, a switch flipped when our new computer teacher went on a deep dive about how a career in computer science was lucrative,” Olendo said.

‎During the holiday, Olendo was ecstatic to inform his parents of the career he had finally decided to pursue when he joined university.

Coupled with the fact that he had always performed well in computer studies, he was certain that his parents would support his decision.

However, after informing them, he was completely appalled when they immediately dismissed him.

‎“I still remember the look on their faces when I tried to argue back—it was as if they thought I was deluded for believing that I could make a successful career in computer science,” Olendo expressed.

‎Feeling dejected by his parents not believing in his dream, his giddiness for finally finding a passion simmered down.

Therefore, when his parents told him to pursue a career in business administration, he did not put up much of a fight.

‎“My mentality at the time was that I would do business administration to just shut my parents up—it was my own version of a rebellious antic,” Olendo explained.

‎However, after tarmacking for two years after graduation, he realized how impulsive his decision had been.

From morning to evening, he would be on the road, braving the scorching sun just to drop his applications at various companies.

Despite his efforts, nothing came to fruition. After numerous rejections month after month, he finally resigned himself to a life of unemployment.

‎“When I call my parents about how depleted I feel having no job two years after graduating, the best they can do is tell me that they are praying for me,” Olendo stated dryly.

‎Sharing with The Star, Kimberly Wambui, aged 27 and currently a mama mboga, explained how she wishes she could turn back time. In an interview in Githurai, she candidly stated that she had always had a passion for journalism.

From primary school, she had been the type of student in the journalism club who happily volunteered to be at the front line of all presentations.

‎“My parents were fully aware that a career in journalism was what I wanted to pursue in campus—I had been preparing for it for years after all,” Wambui said.

‎Therefore, when her parents informed her out of the blue that they wanted her to pursue law, she was completely taken aback.

At that moment, she could not understand how her parents were so willing to turn a blind eye to her passion for journalism.

‎“Apparently, a certain family friend had assured them that he would personally make sure I got a secure job if I pursued law in university,” Wambui stated.

‎Banking on the connections of this family friend, her parents were unwavering in their opinion that a law career would be more lucrative.

 Seeing that her protests were like talking to a brick wall, she finally conceded.

Going above and beyond to be among the top performers in her class, she was relieved when she finally passed her bar examination.

‎“Can you imagine the emotional whiplash I experienced when the connection that I thought was assured ended up being a fabricated lie?” Wambui voiced.

‎Insistent calls and text messages to the family friend were blatantly ignored. In a moment of rage, she stormed to the family friend’s house in Karen demanding an explanation.

Seeing that she was not joking around, the family friend finally admitted that the opportunity he had planned to give her was instead given to someone else.

‎“Realising that I was left hanging out to dry, I was in a complete state of shock as I left that house—I almost got run over by a car while I was walking,” Wambui mentioned.

‎Determined to make beauty out of the ashes she was presented with, she tried to apply for open positions at various law firms and big business corporations.

However, after three years of her efforts being in vain, she decided that the dream of becoming a lawyer was no longer one she could pursue.

Focused on getting a steady source of income that would at least cater to her basic needs, she started her mama mboga business.

‎“Being a mama mboga was never in my cards, but the reality of life is dealing with the cards you have been dealt—what more could I do?” Wambui expressed with a hint of sadness.