Roses or resentment? The double edged sword of love celebrations

‎In the recent Girlfriend’s Day celebration, Nairobi streets were full of flower vendors surrounded by crowds of people trying to bargain the price.

On the road, you could not miss seeing several motorcycle riders trying to beat traffic so as to deliver flowers.

For those willing to go the extra mile, the popular money bouquets were delivered to their loved ones in offices, homes and even restaurants.

In the same breath, there are women in relationships who ended up scowling at home while looking at the social media posts of those women who were celebrated. 

‎Speaking to The Star, Sandra Mumo, currently in a five-year relationship, describes how love celebrations had always been previously clouded with disappointment.

From their first year of dating, Mumo realised that her boyfriend was never big on romance. Love celebrations fell under this category.

While her friends’ boyfriends would take her friends to vacations during Valentine’s Day for instance, she would be left brooding over the fact that her boyfriend had once again forgotten to make any plans.

‎At first, she was quick to assume that her boyfriend did not love her. Why else would he not spoil and treat her like the queen she was?

However, after taking time to put herself in his shoes, Mumo realised that asking a man who did not have a romantic bone to be romantic was a tall order.

Expecting her boyfriend to change instantly when she readily agreed to accept his personality was not only unfair to him but also to her.

Admittedly, though her boyfriend was not big on romantic gestures, he overcompensated in other areas like providing, protecting her and putting importance on quality time.

‎Nevertheless, after her boyfriend saw how important these celebrations were to her, he finally committed to remembering Valentine’s Day at least.

Though baby steps, she was still grateful that her boyfriend was willing to meet her halfway. Within three years, she no longer had to constantly remind him of love celebrations.

‎“For this Girlfriend’s Day, my boyfriend organised a luxurious spa date which was followed by a candle-lit dinner at our favourite restaurant- he has come so far,” Mumo excitedly remarks.

‎Kevin Omollo, married for seven years, instantly realised that his wife is a romantic heart right from their dating phase.

Even in those days, Omollo would find her wife staring off in the distance with her head in the clouds thinking about an array of romantic scenarios.

Her favourite pastime was watching romantic movies where the female protagonist was rescued by a knight in shining armor. 

‎Seeing how high the standards were, he vowed to always go above and beyond to make parts of her fantasy a reality.

Taking the time to listen to what her wife really needs, he has been able to successfully cater to his wife’s needs for seven years.

In the recent Girlfriend’s Day, he organised and fully funded a mini vacation for his wife and her girlfriends at Naivasha.

After listening to his wife’s complaints about being overwhelmed with taking care of their one-year-old twins, Omollo decided that some time away would do her good.

‎While he was running up and down at home trying to keep up with their adrenaline filled twins, his wife was busy enjoying nyama choma and thrilling game drives.

Though a bit overwhelmed with all the work around the house, the highlight of his day was receiving videos from his wife of her enjoying the infinity pool at the Airbnb.  

‎“Even though I did not always have money, I realised early on that the effort is what counts- I can never regret treating my woman like the princess she is,” Omollo adds with a smile.

‎Nevertheless, love celebrations do not always mark the beginning of another beautiful chapter in a love story.

For some couples, love celebrations rolling in are the catalyst for the abrupt end of their relationships.

Diana Wambui, currently single, still remembers the Valentine’s Day that unfolded into her worst breakup experience.

From their first month of dating, Wambui and her boyfriend had always had squabbles.

No matter how trivial a matter was, she and her boyfriend would end up arguing about it contentiously for hours.

‎Their arguing was so bad that their friend group dreaded Wambui and her boyfriend going out with them on the weekends.

All it took was a snarky comment from either of them and the good vibe at the party would immediately dissipate.

Their friend group would end up being forced to be momentary therapists with both Wambui and her boyfriend expecting them to take their side.

‎As Valentine’s Day drew near, she and her boyfriend were in the pits of toxicity.

However, what made her put up with this relationship was the fact that her boyfriend went out of his way to make her feel appreciated during special days.

On Valentine’s Day, more specifically, her boyfriend would pull a romantic surprise that would leave people around them perturbed.

These people could not comprehend that this was the same couple that was busy in a screaming match the previous week.

‎“When that Valentine’s Day came and my boyfriend left me hanging dry, I knew that we had ridden the wheels off in our relationship- it was time for a breakup,” Wambui explains.

‎Since he started dating, Lewis Wekesa, a seasoned bachelor, did not believe in love celebrations.

In Wekesa’s opinion, love celebrations are just an unnecessary idea forced down our throats by society that ends up making those single feel unaccomplished and those in relationships feel lonelier when expectations are not met.

He candidly believes that those who celebrate love celebrations just do that to simply get an ego boost by flaunting their relationship to other people. 

‎Years back, he had to stop dating a woman because of these love celebrations.

When they initially started dating, he had informed her that he was not one of those men who did love celebrations.

Happy that the woman was also not an enthusiast of love celebrations, Wekesa was hopeful that their love story would blossom beautifully.

However, after a few months, the woman began making demands for love celebrations.

Thinking that she could change his mind was a mistake on her part because the following day, Wekesa invited her to a restaurant just to break up with her.

‎“All these love celebrations are useless, for instance, why should men be forced to drain their savings with Valentine’s Day then with Girlfriend’s Day?” Wekesa poses..

‎Talking to The Star, Catherine Muli, a relationship expert, explains how love celebrations are a double-edged sword for relationships.

On one hand, love celebrations offer a dedicated time to focus on the relationship, fostering intimacy and shared experiences.

They also provide an opportunity for romantic gestures, gifts, and quality time, reinforcing the love and connection between partners.

Moreover, special occasions can be the source of cherished memories and shared stories that strengthen the relationship over time.

‎Concurrently, the pressure to create the ‘perfect’ celebration, especially on specific dates like Valentine's Day, can lead to stress and disappointment if expectations are not met.

The commercial aspect of some celebrations can also overshadow the genuine expression of love, leading to a focus on material gifts rather than meaningful connection.

Furthermore, focusing solely on celebrations can detract from the importance of expressing love and affection throughout the year.

‎“Relationships are unique to every couple- just because you do not do pompous love celebrations does not necessarily equate to an unhappy relationship,” Muli advises.