Trips, tiffs and truth: The double-edged sword of couples travelling together

AI illustration of a couple travelling together 

‎For most couples, travelling together is in the bucket list of the adventures they seek to experience. By travelling together, all distractions like work stress are put in the back burner.

Spending more time together, most couples look forward to strengthening their relationship by travelling together. In a sense, it is a way for couples to leave footprints of their beautiful love story in different places.

However, as enticing as this sounds, there are cases where travelling together has been the catalyst for breakups.

‎Kevin Kariuki, recently single, still rues the day he planned a weekend getaway trip to Coast. In their second year of dating, Kariuki and his girlfriend had been busy trying to start their careers.

Their days became monotonous, with work taking the center stage. Even in the evenings when they were supposed to unwind, Kariuki and his girlfriend would end up talking about work.

Feeling disconnected, Kariuki suggested a weekend getaway to the Coast, and his girlfriend happily obliged.

‎Both taking the time to ask for time off work, Kariuki began planning for the weekend getaway. Throughout the planning, Kariuki had involved his girlfriend every step of the way.

Knowing too well how picky she naturally was, Kariuki did not want to plan something that would end up unsatisfactory for her. Kariuki still remembers how his girlfriend excitedly invited her girlfriends to Toi market as she picked the best outfits to buy for the trip.

When Kariuki’s girlfriend complained about having to use the SGR instead of a flight, the alarm bells in Kariuki’s head began going off.

This is because Kariuki specifically remembered how his girlfriend had previously insisted on a train ride being her dream. Wanting to make her feel special, Kariuki had gone out of his way to purchase first-class SGR tickets.

Chalking up his girlfriend’s tantrum to her usual mood swings, Kariuki decided to brush this under the rug.

However, Kariuki soon realised that the trip had been a terrible idea. From the moment they got to their hotel in Diani, the nagging from his girlfriend began.

The king-sized bed was too small, the hotel attendees were too slow, the food was bland, and the weather was too humid—his girlfriend complained all day long.

Being a solution-oriented person, Kariuki offered to change hotels, but this was met by a noncommittal shrug.

Kariuki recounts, “It was as if I had gone for a vacation with a stranger, and by the end of the trip, I had reached my wits end and broke up with her.”

Speaking to The Star, Sharon Mwende, currently single, details how elated she felt when her boyfriend came home one evening with the news that they would be travelling to England for a month.

On their third date, Mwende had opened up about how a stroll through the streets in England was her fantasy. Unbeknownst to her, her boyfriend had taken note of this and decided to make her dreams come true.

A week before the beginning of their vacation, a bombshell was dropped on Mwende that her boyfriend’s friends would also be coming with them.

This information kind of threw her off because she did not understand how her boyfriend could invite the same people who encouraged him not to date her. Travelling to England with her boyfriend was all she wanted, and his friends coming along would ruin the vibe.

However, after getting reassurance from her boyfriend, Mwende decided to make the most out of the trip.

On their way to the airport, Mwende noted that her boyfriend’s friends had also brought random women. Though already irritated by the infiltration, Mwende tried to keep a positive attitude. After all, this was her fantasy coming true in real-time.

Immediately when they got to the hotel, her boyfriend left Mwende in the room because he wanted to party with his friends. After several nights of this behaviour, Mwende tried to bring up how lonely she felt even though they were supposed to be on a vacation together.

Her boyfriend, however, dismissed her concern by painting her out to be dramatic.

Trying to enjoy the trip, Mwende tried to visit all the cool spots that she had looked forward to. However, doing all that alone just ended up making Mwende feel lonelier.

When Mwende tried to give her boyfriend the silent treatment, they grew further apart, worsening the situation. Completely defeated, Mwende resorted to locking herself in the hotel room all day long.

Mwende grimaces. “What was my final straw and eventual demise of our relationship was when one of the random women who came with us informed me that my boyfriend had cheated on me during that trip.”

Nevertheless, all is not gloom for couples that want to travel together. For some couples, travelling together just ends up making them more appreciative of each other and their relationship.

Before Frank Mugambi, married for eight years, decided to plan a vacation, his marriage was full of squabbles. At the time, Mugambi and his wife were both toxic, which, coupled with poor communication skills, was the axe hanging over their heads. 

When they unfortunately lost their first child through a miscarriage, their situation got worse. Their house was now filled with screaming matches, with both of them unwilling to back down from their opinions.

This later snowballed into intense silent treatment that went on for five months. After work, Mugambi at the time would go out to party with his single ‘boys’. Only when certain that his wife was asleep, would Mugambi go back home, and this became the norm.

By the fifth month of this toxicity, it dawned on Mugambi that if something did not change, their marriage was steadily headed down the road of divorce.

In a desperate attempt to save his marriage, Mugambi planned a month-long vacation to Zanzibar. As expected, their first days were full of awkwardness, taking into account that they were both stuck with the same person they were trying to avoid for months.

However, after the first week passed, Mugambi and his wife fell into a comfortable rhythm of exploring different sites. Within no time, they began enjoying each other’s company.

On one perfect evening at a beach, Mugambi and his wife broke down and finally opened up on how traumatic the miscarriage had been.

Taking the time to listen to each other, Mugambi and his wife both realized that blinded by pain, they had ended up hurting each other. 

Mugambi adds with a smile, “That vacation brought the best out of us, and determined to save our marriage, we both decided to go to marriage counselling.”

Sharing with The Star, Caroline Laboso, a relationship expert, explains how travelling together as a couple is oftentimes a double-edged sword.

While there is the possibility of the bond in a relationship improving, there is also the possibility of the relationship being strained to the point of a breakup.

A common misconception is that couples travelling together have to spend every minute together. While quality time is crucial for any couple’s vacation, spending twenty-four hours together can end up being counterproductive.

Just like any other people cooped up together for long periods of time, couples are not immune to having conflicts.

Sometimes, couples might end up feeling suffocated and eventually become more easily irritable. Things that would normally not irritate someone end up being a ticking time bomb that threatens the relationship.

Laboso emphasizes, “As much as you want to enjoy your partner’s company, make sure you prioritize your alone time—it can be as small as simple as taking a short leisure stroll alone.”