AI illustration of a couple where the man is smitten Love today feels less like a tender connection and more like a subtle power struggle between partners.
Vulnerability has taken a backseat, replaced by guarded hearts and strategic moves, because giving too much to the wrong person can leave you looking like a fool.
In this increasingly toxic game of emotional cat and mouse, many shy away from full surrender, fearing heartbreak more than loneliness.
Still, among Kenyans, a growing belief persists: for a relationship to truly thrive, the man must love the woman more than she loves him.
Talking to The Star, Catherine Mwilu, a university student, explains how much effort her boyfriend had to put in for her to even consider dating him. The first time Mwilu saw her boyfriend in her Economics class, she was immediately drawn to him.
Aside from being good-looking, Mwilu admired how eloquently he expressed himself when the lecturer fired away questions. Mwilu was, however, quick to catch herself.
Even though Mwilu knew that he was her ideal type of man, she would never chase after him. Mwilu believed that if he was meant for her, he would be the one to make the first step.
Since he is an attractive man, it took a minute for him to tune out the noise from all the other people who were chasing his attention. At the end of their first year on campus, he finally approached Mwilu and asked if she was interested in him romantically.
Much to the dismay of her friends, Mwilu flat-out rejected him, saying that she only had tunnel vision for her studies. Despite the initial rejection, he continued to pursue Mwilu for a year before she finally gave in.
Mwilu recounts, “I made him work for it. Since I was not interested in a man who loved having his cake and eating it, I had to make sure that he was serious about dating me. By the time we started dating, I felt safe enough to be vulnerable with him.”
When Carlton Kiige, an events promoter, first saw his girlfriend at a night out, he knew that his romantic life was about to change for the better. Whether it is because of her skillful dancing or her extroverted personality, Kiige was instantly hooked.
The moment he approached her for a conversation, she nearly chased him away because she thought that he was one of those creepy men in the club. Though the first interaction was not ideal, Kiige managed to get her phone number.
For several weeks, Kiige’s calls were ignored and messages blue-ticked. However, after consistently making it clear what his intentions were, she finally agreed to be his girlfriend.
If Kiige thought that the biggest hurdle was in his rear view, he would find out in good time how sorely mistaken he was. For the first year of their relationship, Kiige’s girlfriend continued to put up walls, afraid of getting hurt.
Kiige further explains, “I never minded the walls that she put up. I knew that I was serious about making our relationship work and after consistently showing up for her, she finally allowed me to peel back her layers.”
Nevertheless, there are Kenyans who do not believe that the success of a relationship rests solely on a man loving the woman more. After many vain attempts to find love, Jedidah Makena, a corporate woman, had finally had enough. Makena was tired of waiting for a man to show more interest in her to date him.
At one of their corporate events, Makena happened to see a man who ticked all her boxes. Though scared that he was out of her league, Makena bit the bullet and asked him out for a lunch date.
Following this, the man politely declined. The silver lining for Makena was that her courage had intrigued him enough to give Makena his number.
For a whole year, Makena had been friend-zoned. Seeing the value in that man, Makena was, however, unwilling to readily throw in the towel. While still making sure she respected his space, Makena made it known that she was interested in him romantically.
One random weekday, Makena was called and asked to meet up with him in a restaurant that they both loved. Makena remembers that when she got to the restaurant, he seemed nervous, which was unlike him.
When the waiter brought their dessert, Makena was nearly brought to tears when she saw that the plate had been piped with melting chocolate, asking her to be his girlfriend.
Makena shares, “Whenever I tell my friends how I bagged the best man, they never fail to be amazed by my prowess. I saw what I wanted and, without hesitation, went for it. I am now basking in the glory of having the most attractive and emotionally mature man. What more could I ask for?”
Sharing with The Star, Benjamin Mungai, a sketch artist, still rues the day he decided to pursue a woman who showed no interest in him. During one of the networking events in Kilimani, they had been instructed to draw using the woman perched on a stool in front as a muse.
As Mungai worked on his drawing, he could not help but feel drawn to her. After the event, Mbatia approached her and asked for her socials. Fully expecting a rejection, Mungai was pleasantly surprised when she readily obliged.
In the months that followed, Mungai was stuck in a vicious cycle of trying to convince her to have a relationship with him. Time after time, she gave him flimsy excuses that she was not wired for committed relationships.
The most toxic thing was that when Mungai would show any sign of giving up, she would relight his flame of hope by saying that she was nearly convinced to date him. At the time, Mungai chalked up her rejections to the assumption that she was one of the women who loved the chase.
Mungai laments, “When she finally agreed to be my girlfriend, it dawned on me that I was just a charity case for her. Six months into dating, I was still the one who initiated things in the relationship.
I guess I should have been alarmed when she would never say she loved me back. Ultimately, when I found her sleeping with another man in our bedroom, I had to come to terms with the reality. Right now, I would rather swallow glass than date another woman who is not equally interested in me.” Mungai says.
Comments 0
Sign in to join the conversation
Sign In Create AccountNo comments yet. Be the first to share your thoughts!