When love moves in: The unfiltered side of living together

AI illustration of a couple moving in together 

Moving in with your partner sounds exciting. Hurried goodbye hugs turn to quality time spent together in the evenings after work. Goodnight messages sent over the phone can now be said face-to-face.

The distance that once separated you dissipates. However, what most people tend to ignore is that the initial ecstasy is, more often than not, a smoke screen to what lies ahead.

John Muli never expected his relationship to go downhill after his girlfriend moved in. Two years into their relationship, Muli decided that their relationship was serious enough for moving in talks to begin.

The first thing that should have sounded alarm bells in his head was the girlfriend’s hesitancy to move in with him. At that time, Muli chalked it up to the fact that his girlfriend had never moved in with anyone before.

Trouble began brewing in their second month of living together. Since Muli was a hustling young man at the time, the only kind of house that he could afford was a bedsitter. He was, however, proud of it and with the few coins he got from his side hustle, Muli revamped his bedsitter to an exquisite look.

Moreover, he had been lucky enough to get a bedsitter that wa bigger in size and that could therefore house two people comfortably.

‎Muli voices, “I don’t know whether her friends pressured her or maybe she was like that all along. Out of the blue, she started nagging me to move to a bigger house with no reasonable justification. That girl knew how tight my finances were and she still insisted on me getting a bigger house. Clocking how materialistic she truly was, a breakup was inevitable.”

‎Unlike most women who wait for the man to suggest moving in, Helen Ngatia was the one who tabled this proposition in her relationship. The stability of their relationship was what gave Ngatia the confidence to do so.

Her boyfriend agreed and the following weekend, Ngatia had already moved in. Completely oblivious, Ngatia thought that moving in with her boyfriend would only strengthen their relationship.

‎First and foremost, Ngatia quickly realised that she had been duped by her boyfriend. From the first time they met, Ngatia’s boyfriend had exuded the ‘clean guy’ look. He always smelled nice and his clothes were if anything pristine.

In fact, when Ngatia had visited her boyfriend a few times, she thought that he was a clean freak because the neatness of the house surpassed her expectations.

‎However, by the first night of living together, the house was a mess. The clothes hamper was overflowing with dirty clothes that emitted a nauseating smell. The floor was brown and sticky. Cockroaches were having a field day crawling in and out of the piles of dirty dishes in the sink. 

Completely thrown off, Ngatia prodded her boyfriend who explained that whenever he knew that she was coming to see him, he would call mama fua to come and clean the place. Totally unfazed, Ngatia’s boyfriend further explained that he did not send see the need of doing that anymore now that Ngatia had moved in.

‎In addition, Ngatia’s boyfriend spent all his time on PlayStation leaving Ngatia lonely. When Ngatia tried to express how alone she felt even though they were living together, her boyfriend immediately dismissed her saying that he did not want drama.

In one heated argument, the boyfriend, as a matter of fact, said that he had not dragged Ngatia to his house so if she was so unhappy, then she should just leave.

‎Ngatia laments, “My final straw was him inviting his ‘boys’ every weekend to the house to play video games. On days when I was supposed to be unwinding from the stress of the week from work, I was forced to be up and about. From the moment his ‘boys’ came to the house, I would be working to the bone in the kitchen trying to keep up with the meals they requested. Soon, their complements of being wifey material, that were initially my consolation, riled me up more.”

Nevertheless, all is not gloom for partners who decide to move in together. There are couples that have weathered the storm and made it out on the other side successfully. When Jane Wambua and her boyfriend had decided to move in together, Wambua was initially apprehensive.

She had heard of many stories from her friends of many couples that broke up because of constantly butting heads after moving in together. Wambua did not want to suffer the same fate. 

Nonetheless, Wambua finally gave in after her boyfriend’s constant reassurance. Contrary to Wambua’s expectations, the only thing they had to work through was the awkwardness that they both felt.

Both being the only children in their respective families, they were not used to sharing space with anyone else. It was even more awkward because they were romantically involved. 

‎Wambui recounts comically, “On one evening of the usual awkwardness, we both burst out laughing because of how childish we were behaving. After talking it out, there was no more awkwardness. When I tell my girlfriends that is the biggest challenge we have faced so far after moving in, they roll their eyes because of how adorable our relationship is.”

Opening up to The Star, Weston Wafula details the events that led to her girlfriend moving in with him. While still on campus, they were both hit with the unexpected news of a pregnancy. Having come from a strictly religious household, Wafula’s girlfriend could not fathom staying with her parents while pregnant.

Initially, Wafula’s girlfriend had thought of moving in with her best friend because she did not want to add more pressure to their relationship. However, with the intention of taking full responsibility, Wafula urged the girlfriend to instead move in with him in his one-bedroom house.

Wafula further explains, “It must have been the intense stress we both had because I kid you not, we never argued because of moving in. With the unplanned pregnancy taking precedence, we were both up and about trying to prepare for it adequately.

Arguing about how the other uses the toothpaste seemed ridiculous at a time when we were thinking about diaper prices. Unknowingly, the pregnancy made us mature enough to accommodate each other after moving in,” Wafula says.