Too good to be true? The red flags of love bombing

If you’re conversant with the controversial world of reality television, the term love bombing has likely crept into your everyday vocabulary.

The term has become a flashpoint on TikTok, where users are debating claims of love bombing in a show.

In this heated exchange, viewers are split: one side insists the show portrays a textbook case of love bombing, while the other dismisses the claims as exaggerated.

Love bombing refers to the intense showering of affection and attention in the early stages of a relationship, designed to impress the other person, spark romance, and create a sense of dependence.

However, when the recipient begins to feel emotionally entangled and unable to pull away, the love bomber often starts exerting control, shaping their partner’s life to their liking.

This can leave the recipient disoriented, uncomfortable, and struggling to maintain their sense of self.

By the time Sandra Nala realised she was being love bombed, she was already in too deep. For three years in university, Nala kept her crush at a distance, wary of making the first move.

Her hesitation was compounded by years of low self-esteem, the result of constant bullying about her plus-sized body.

But in her final year, an existential crisis hit. She realised she had coasted through university robotically. Determined to break the pattern, she decided to ask her crush out.

Fully prepared for rejection, Nala was stunned when he said yes. What began as casual dates quickly escalated into a whirlwind romance: daily calls, spontaneous city outings, and expensive gifts. She felt like she was living a fairy tale.

But it didn’t last. “The beautiful world I had grown accustomed to turned upside down the morning after we had sex for the first time,” Nala recalls.

“In the blink of an eye, he disposed of me like garbage and made me the butt of jokes among his friends.”

Contrary to common assumptions, men can also fall victim to love bombing. Speaking to The Star, Charles Mwingagi shares his experience.

At the time, Mwingagi was struggling to establish his event organising business and believed he lacked the financial stability for a relationship.

But just as he was ready to give up, his hard work paid off. To celebrate, he went out with his friends—and met the woman he thought was the love of his life.

Unbeknownst to him, the sparkle in her eyes was less about affection and more about his newfound success. Though she identified as a feminist, she quickly adopted wifely roles without being asked.

Any doubts about her motives evaporated.

“I thought I was too smart to be fooled,” Mwingagi says.

His wake-up call came later.

“When she began demanding more money to fund her taste for luxury, I realised I had been love bombed. I had been groomed for months to provide, by a lion in sheep’s clothing.”

Experts say there are often deeper issues behind love bombing behaviour.

People with anxious or insecure attachment styles may feel inadequate or fear abandonment. To compensate, they try to control a partner for emotional reassurance.

Other drivers include narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), low self-esteem, and trust issues. These can manifest as a need for control to ease anxiety about the future, whether consciously or unconsciously.

For Michael Omondi, it took four years of therapy to recognise his pattern of love bombing.

“I couldn’t understand why every breakup ended so badly,” he says.

His ex-girlfriends accused him of pulling away once relationships became serious.

In his mind, they were the problem. “I thought my nonchalant nature wouldn’t have attracted them in the first place if I hadn’t pretended to be a romantic.”

But therapy revealed deeper wounds.

“I learned my behaviour stemmed from witnessing my parents’ divorce. I believed if my father had faked affection longer, my mother wouldn’t have left. In trying to avoid his mistakes, I ended up living a lie and hurting many women,” Omondi says.

According to relationship expert Winnie Mwende, love bombing is often mistaken for genuine passion.

“You might believe the rapid pace of your relationship reflects how deeply you feel for each other,” she explains.

This is especially dangerous for those longing for love to escape loneliness. “The constant attention and grand gestures feel like a welcome change,” Mwende says.

Her advice? Pause. “Before you settle into the high of romance, take a step back. Add a pinch of scepticism to those hundred daily calls and lavish dates in the first week. If they’re truly meant for you, a little caution won’t scare them away. Don’t rush. All good things take time.”