JANE MWENDERANI: The pressure of being a breadwinner and solutions

Being the only breadwinner of the family is like a full-time job. The amount of responsibility that comes with it makes it hard to find time for self-care and self-love.

Everyone around you looks up to you for reliability, support and advice. Breadwinners feel intense pressure to not only provide for their families but to ensure those who look up to them are satisfied in all areas, mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically.

Such responsibilities create a sense of fear among breadwinners when they think of what could happen if they lose their jobs or if they take time off work due to injury or illness.

While it is crucial to take care of our loved ones, breadwinners need to remember the saying that goes, “you cannot pour from an empty cup”.

The emotional and mental effects of being a breadwinner can be intense, as pressure, anxiety and stress can build up with time, causing irreversible health damage.

In a society where the debate on gender roles is still on the rise, most men find themselves as breadwinners to their families.

From a young age, small boys are taught that seeking help and showing emotions to the world is a sign of weakness and vulnerability.

Instead, they are encouraged to convey the image of resilience, dependable, silent, strong, savior and always in charge. Men who fail to live up to such societal standards are termed losers.

However, the pressure of being the breadwinner is much worse for women as it comes with different sets of pressure and challenges.

Findings from Pew research reveal that in 40 per cent of American families, women are the primary breadwinners. Although traditional gender roles assume that women should be limited to performing house chores, more families in Africa are becoming dependent on women, including in Kenya.

Women with children who are also breadwinners face societal pressure and judgment from people for neglecting their children or failing to be present mothers.

Emotional exhaustion is one of the signs, and it is where a person feels unable to handle daily duties.

In most cases, an emotionally exhausted person may feel sleepy and zoned out in between conversations. Depression and anxiety are other signs where the pressure makes the breadwinner keep worrying about family responsibilities, work performance and finances.

Such worrying leads to sadness, a sense of hopelessness and mood swings. Physical fatigue is also experienced where one develops low energy, trouble sleeping and chronic exhaustion.

Frustrations lead to strains in relationships as one develops resentments towards family members or partners who contribute less financially.

As the famous saying goes, prevention is better than a cure. Finding a solution to manage the pressure of being a breadwinner is better than waiting for the consequences of developing mental health-related issues.

The first strategy is to set clear boundaries. It is crucial to set boundaries for both personal and professional life to avoid extra pressure and burnout.

One can also consider financial planning. Consulting a professional financial expert can help to create a solid financial road map, which can be useful in achieving both long-term and short-term financial goals.

The writer is a counseling psychologist and financial expert based in the US