Decoding sisterhood: Exploring the nuances of female friendships

There is something pure in female friendships.

A friendship that allows you to call at odd hours lamenting over your toxic ex, cry over the most miniscule inconveniences in your day and celebrate your milestones, whether romantic or career-wise. 

‎Through female friendships, the promise of a life-long sisterhood is as clear as day.

A sister who constantly makes the unwavering decision to be by your side through all life experiences.

‎Speaking to The Star, Naomi Mukasa shares the genesis of her beautiful friendship journey with her female best friend of 10 years. Since Mukasa was a military kid, moving around was the order of the day. 

‎Therefore, she never got a fair shot at planting roots and developing lasting friendships. The many friendships that she initially tried in vain to sustain after moving hardened her personality, ultimately making her aloof.

‎During her last year in primary school, Mukasa had just moved to a new school.

Soon, it dawned on her that the desk mate assigned to her was rather talkative. Mukasa’s mean look seemed to only pique her deskmate’s interest.

For Mukasa’s desk mate, Mukasa was a tough nut that she was willing to crack at the end of the day.

“Slowly but surely, she was able to peel back my layers and break down my walls. I truly cannot fathom a world where she is not my best friend. I would simply go through life wallowing in my solitude,” ‎Mukasa recounts.

‎For Diana Biwott, her first experience of an authentic female friendship was in her first year on campus.

Bred in an environment of culture shock and naivety, the five-year friendship between Biwott and her best friend began.

Both having lived all their lives in the countryside, studying in the University of Nairobi was both a riveting and disorienting experience.

‎Their first interaction was during the first year's welcoming party. In the midst of a sea of excited freshers chatting animatedly and swaying harmoniously to the night’s rhythm, Biwott felt like she was sticking out like a sore thumb. 

‎Her long kitenge dress that she adorned with white sport shoes made her look peculiar to the point of being comical sight.

Consumed with embarrassment, Diana decided to hide in a dark corner for the rest of the night.

“Out of the blue, my now best friend approached me and encouraged me to join her on the dance floor. According to her, village girls also deserved to enjoy themselves without caring about people’s unsolicited opinion,” ‎Biwott details.

‎Nevertheless, not all female friendships end up with the fairytale ending coveted by many.

For some Kenyan women, female friendships have been the epitome of an unforgettable ordeal.

In a place where they thought they would find refuge from the world’s adversities, they instead harboured deep-seated trauma.

‎ Patricia Njuki rues the day she met her ex-best friend three years ago. Being a party animal, Njuki met her ex-best friend at her music festival in Naivasha.

As she was helping herself in the washroom at the festival’s venue, Njuki happened to hear sniffles from the next stall. 

‎Following this, Njuki waited patiently outside for the girl crying to come out.

After close to twenty minutes, the girl came out rubbing her tear-stricken face.

Immediately jumping to action, Njuki comforted the girl with a warm hug after the girl explained that her emotional outburst was a result of her boyfriend leaving her all alone after an argument.

‎What began as a girl’s moment in the washroom blossomed to a beautiful friendship of three years, or so Njuki believed.

Two peas in a pod at that point, they both decided to get into business together.

Though the business idea was Njuki’s, Njuki did not hesitate for a moment to involve her best friend who had recently been laid off from her corporate job. 

‎In Njuki’s eyes, nothing could go wrong. However, after 6 months of launching the business, the financial state of the business was in the red.

This was highly contradictory to the steady stream of customers who walked in and bought products daily.

“After going through my finance books with a fine-tooth comb, I quickly noticed some disparities in the money accounts. The hole in the sinking ship of my business was my own best friend, who had been taking out sums of money that would have gone unchecked if they were not so frequent,” ‎Njuki says.

‎Ruth Cheptoo’s world came to a standstill when her best friend from childhood stabbed her in the back when she least expected it. Cheptoo had never been the best at picking the right man for herself.

‎ Having come from a toxic household, narcissistic men were more her speed.

For years, well after campus, Cheptoo’s best friend was the only voice of reason that nipped the bud any life-shattering romantic decisions that she was about to make.

‎Two years after graduating, Cheptoo met a man who ticked all her boxes. Not only was he a sight for sore eyes but also mature, something Cheptoo had been earnestly searching for.

Though Cheptoo was head over heels, she took more time than usual to introduce him to her best friend.

Cheptoo was resolute in vetting the man extensively to ensure that her best friend instantly issued her approval.

‎Cheptoo sighed in relief after her best friend’s usual snarly remarks were replaced by quiet admiration.

Knowing how important my best friend was to Cheptoo, Cheptoo’s boyfriend put his best foot forward in trying to have a cordial relationship.

Nothing could have, however, prepared Cheptoo for what was to transpire a year later.

“Can you imagine the emotional whiplash I got when my boyfriend told me that my best friend had gone to his house unannounced the previous night dressed in lingerie," ‎Cheptoo says.

"Gritting my teeth in anger, I called my best friend who lamely excused her gross behavior by saying that she was just confirming that my boyfriend would not cheat on me. I immediately blocked her. Good riddance!”

‎Talking to The Star, Benson Wanjala, a relationship expert, explains that female friendships are complex.

Wanjala says that whilst these relations can birth beautiful friendships that last for years, they are also precarious in nature.

One wrong action can cause female friendships to instantly crumble to pieces, sometimes too irreparably. 

“The best kind of friendships are fierce lady friendships where you aggressively believe in each other, defend each other and think the other deserves the world,” ‎Wanjala advises.