A few years ago, if your wife or girlfriend came to you with the ground-breaking news of a pregnancy, the last thing on your mind as a Kenyan man would have been a DNA test.
Even in the most nerve-wracking scenario where the pregnancy was unplanned, the thought of demanding a DNA test before further discussions was off the table.
As a man, you had the choice to deny all responsibilities without proof that you are not the father, or forever hold your peace by stepping up as a responsible adult.
This situation could not be further from the reality we currently live in as Kenyans. The days of men being seen as the only people who could taint a relationship with infidelity are in our rearview as a society.
Though frowned upon, the infidelity is not the biggest problem. The eye in this storm is the habit of some Kenyan women pinning fatherhood responsibilities on unsuspecting men in the event of a pregnancy from their infidelity.
Speaking to The Star, George Kihara explains the events that led up to him raising a child for eighteen years, completely naïve to the fact that he was not the biological father.
In his final year on campus, Kihara had been busy with his projects. Completely worn out by stress, one evening, he walked around the school with his camera, trying to find interviewees for his documentary project.
At one of the school gazebos, he saw a group of three young women chatting animatedly. Shyly approaching them, he asked if they were willing to help him with his project.
Charismatically, the woman in the middle, who seemed the most extroverted, immediately jumped into action and made sure that Kihara got the best interviews from them.
That initial encounter piqued Kihara’s interest, and within no time, the two of them started dating.
Their relationship blossomed into a marriage that set the standard for a perfect union in the eyes of the single people in their social circles. Having found the love of his life, Kihara felt like the luckiest man alive.
One evening after getting home from work, Kihara’s wife excitedly informed him that she was six weeks pregnant. Kihara felt a sense of pride because fatherhood had always been a milestone he had desired to achieve in his life.
Though they had been arguing because Kihara had noticed his wife acting peculiarly for two months, the pregnancy news was a welcome reprieve that dissipated their tension. With rose-tinted glasses, Kihara embarked on his journey of fatherhood.
Kihara's life changed irreversibly just a day after his son’s eighteenth birthday.
His son had gone on a road trip to Naivasha with friends when he was involved in a catastrophic car accident.
Kihara was at work when he received a frantic phone call from his wife, urging him to rush to the hospital.
“When I arrived, my wife was sobbing uncontrollably,” Kihara recalls.
“Being her pillar, I tried my best to reassure her.”
An hour later, a doctor informed them that their son urgently needed a blood transfusion.
Kihara says he immediately stepped forward without hesitation, ready to donate his blood to save his son's life.
But just as he was about to follow the doctor, something unexpected happened.
“My wife held me back with a sudden panicked look on her face,” he says.
“In a timid voice, she said that my blood type would not match with our son’s blood type.”
Confused and stunned, Kariuki says he demanded a DNA test to confirm what his wife had just implied.
“As much as I wanted to believe that this whole situation was a sick joke, the result from the DNA test was the final nail in the coffin for my acceptance of reality,” he says.
What followed was a whirlwind of emotions, legal consultations, and a search for answers that Kariuki admits he never thought he would face in his lifetime.
For Calvin Njiru, his persistence on a DNA test saved him from eighteen years of parental responsibility for a child that he had not fathered.
Njiru says his relationship began like something out of a dream.
He met a woman he describes as a “Nairobi baddie” at a social event two years ago. From the moment he saw her across the room, he was drawn in.
“I knew she was someone I wanted to pursue,” Njiru recalls.
“After a few casual dates, we both decided to be serious and start dating.”
For the first year, everything seemed perfect. Their relationship blossomed, and Njiru says he had never felt more content.
As a salesman, his job frequently required him to be away from Nairobi for weeks at a time. It was during one of these trips that things began to unravel.
“When my girlfriend told me she was two months pregnant, I was confused to say the least,” he says.
Njiru explains that he had been away on a business trip for an entire month.
Even before leaving, the two had not been intimate, as his partner had given him the silent treatment following a disagreement.
“I was caught between a rock and a hard place,” he says.
“I didn’t know whether to confront her or keep my suspicions to myself.”
Eventually, the uncertainty became unbearable. Njiru decided to speak up and requested a DNA test.
“When I demanded for a DNA test, she spat in my face and maliciously claimed that she was happy that a weak man like me was not the father to her child,” he says.
What hurt him most wasn’t just the betrayal; it was the realisation that a child was now caught in a situation built on deception.
Njiru believes the emotional toll in such cases extends beyond the adults involved and can leave lasting scars on the child once the truth comes out.
The deception of the identity of the biological father not only affects the man in a relationship. In such cases, the child is often caught in the crossfire after the house of cards falls.
Casey Mwikali knows all too well the aftermath that occurs when the truth is finally revealed in a relationship like this.
Mwikali vividly remembers the day everything fell apart in their home.
What started as an ordinary day quickly turned into a nightmare when her father discovered a truth her mother had kept hidden for years.
“I remember the day all hell broke loose in our home,” Mwikali says.
“My ‘father’ had apparently discovered that my mother had been lying to him all along about being my biological father.”
The revelation didn’t come from her mother directly. It was her mother’s best friend who finally broke the silence.
“She sat my father down earlier that day and told him that since she considered him family, she could no longer sit on some information,” Mwikali recalls.
With unsettling clarity, the friend laid out the details of her mother’s long-running deception.
Confronted with the truth, Mwikali’s mother dropped to her knees, pleading for forgiveness.
“She was wailing, but her cries did little to convince my ‘father’ to forgive her,” she says.
Mwikali watched helplessly as the man she had known as her father packed his suitcases in anger and walked out. He never reached out again.
“I still blame my mother for making my ‘father’ leave,” Mwikali says quietly.
“That man was the only father figure I looked up to.”
For some Kenyan women, however, the mere thought of a man demanding a DNA test is borderline disrespectful.
Brenda Naserian explains candidly how she was immediately filled with rage when her boyfriend asked for a DNA test.
Naserian remembers the shock she felt when the man she trusted most questioned her fidelity.
After three years of dating, she believed their relationship was strong and headed in the right direction.
When she discovered she was pregnant while still on campus, she remained calm, confident that her boyfriend would be supportive.
“We had been dating for three years and I thought that our relationship was progressing beautifully,” Naserian says.
“When I found out that I was pregnant while still in campus, I was eerily calm. I reassured myself that I had nothing to worry about. I had a boyfriend who was a gentleman and would step up without a shadow of doubt.”
But when she shared the news of her pregnancy, his response stunned her.
“When I broke the news to him, can you imagine the disbelief I was in when he demanded a DNA test?” she says. “At first, I thought that I had misheard him.”
As the conversation unfolded, she realized he was serious. The trust she had in him instantly shattered.
“After a few minutes, I realised that he was serious and I immediately started seeing red,” Naserian recalls. “I could not comprehend why my boyfriend thought that I was promiscuous.”
Feeling deeply betrayed, she made a swift decision.
“Completely betrayed, I blocked him on my phone,” she says. “I do not need a man like him to raise my child.”
Andrew Gitonga, a counsellor, explains why the truth is the best course of action to take when in possession of the identity of the biological father of a child.
Gitonga urges honesty when it comes to matters of paternity, warning that deception only worsens an already delicate situation.
He believes many women may lie about a child’s paternity either out of fear or in the hope of securing support from a man perceived to be more responsible or financially stable.
But in the long run, the consequences are far more damaging.
“Whether out of fear of repercussions or the pursuit of pinning the fatherhood on a man who seems more responsible and financially stable, deception will only add fuel to the fire,” Gitonga emphasises.
He explains that when the truth eventually surfaces, it becomes incredibly difficult for the man involved to continue playing the role of a father.
“When the man discovers the truth, it will take a lot for the man to stay and continue bearing the fatherhood responsibilities,” he says.
The fallout doesn’t stop with the adults.
According to Gitonga, the child often becomes the unintended victim of this dishonesty.
Once the father figure walks away, the emotional toll on the child can be profound.
“The relationship will hit a tumultuous tide and will most likely be too broken for repair. The psyche of the child in this situation can also be negatively affected as feelings of abandonment begin to develop when the father figure the child knew leaves,” Gitonga explains.
He concludes with a message to women who may find themselves in such situations: face the truth, however painful.
“If you are a woman in this predicament, pluck up the courage and tell the truth, regardless of the consequences. At the end of the day, the truth always prevails,” he says.
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