'Why Divorce Was a Blessing,' Adelle Onyango on Self-Discovery After Separation

Media personality Adelle Onyango has sparked conversation online after sharing a powerful carousel of reflections on her Instagram page, opening up about love, identity, and the journey of choosing herself.

Through a series of deeply personal quotes, Adelle revisits her past relationships, her divorce, and the societal conditioning that shaped how she once viewed love.

Unlearning Who She Had Become

Adelle reveals that her transformation began with confronting a version of herself she had built to survive within a patriarchal system.

“In this process I had to kill the version of me, I had created to navigate patriarchy because to choose me, I had to first, figure out who the f*** I was.”

Her words highlight the internal work required to break away from expectations that often pressure women to fit into predefined roles.

The Power of Choosing Yourself

At the core of her message is a strong emphasis on self-prioritisation and personal freedom.

“My liberation is both birthed and fuelled by my ability to choose me. Always… Freedom; the constant choosing of self.”

She frames self-love as an ongoing responsibility—one that cannot be outsourced to relationships or external validation.

The Pressure to Be “Chosen”

Adelle also challenges a deeply ingrained societal narrative: that a woman’s value is tied to being chosen by a man.

“In many small ways and many big ways, many women are socialized to aspire to be chosen. By a man, any man.”

Reflecting on her own experiences, she admits this mindset influenced her dating choices.

“What was my type? Whoever was choosing me.”

She further reveals how she would convince herself to stay in relationships, even without genuine attraction.

“They would choose me and then I would train myself to like them, to be attracted to them and eventually, to love them.”

Early Lessons in Love

Tracing this pattern back to her teenage years, Adelle recalls her first relationship at just 15.

“Everyone was pairing up… The female students were waiting to be chosen.”

She shares how a simple ask led to a long-term relationship, despite her initial hesitation.

“I said I’d be his date, if he got me a bouquet of black roses… where was a high school student going to get black roses?”ALSO READ: Adelle Onyang'o opens up on tough battle with depression being suicidal

But the unexpected happened:

“The next week, there he was walking towards me, a bunch of black roses in hand… We dated for 5 or 6 years. I was chosen.

Divorce as a Turning Point

Adelle describes her divorce as a moment that forced her to confront herself in ways she had previously avoided.

“I’ve found that in many beautiful ways divorce can be a blessing. One gift it gave me, was it forced me to choose me…”

She adds that the process required deep self-reflection and rebuilding.

“This meant I had to spend time watching me, talking to me, listening, touching me, remembering who I am and shedding who I’m not, simultaneously.”

Redefining Love

Today, Adelle’s understanding of love has shifted inward. She no longer centres her worth on romantic validation.

“And in this dance, one truth still rings true: I am my one true love.”

She also questions why society celebrates self-sacrifice in the name of relationships.

“What a shame that from a young age it is celebrated when we ignore our one true love and morph, pretend & perform just to lure a man, any man.”

Previous Marriage

Adelle Onyango was married to Falgun Bhojak, a Kenyan rally driver and navigator. The couple tied the knot on July 28, 2017, in a private ceremony.

As of September 2025, Adelle confirmed they are divorced.

She stated the marriage ended due to irreconcilable differences regarding traditional roles, specifically citing her decision not to take his surname, not to have children, and stopping the wearing of her wedding ring.