Age is just a number? Inside the world of Kenyan men dating older women

‎Seeing a young man happily walking arm in arm with an older woman in the Nairobi streets is no longer a rare sight for most Kenyans. 

Unlike before, when the interest in older women would be buried, more young men in Kenya are biting the bullet and laying all their cards on the table.

A relationship that was considered taboo a few years ago is now steadily gaining normalcy.

‎In an interview in Ruiru, Evans Gitonga, aged 25 and currently dating an older woman in her mid-40s, revealed that his interest in older women forced him to grow a tough skin.

During the freshers' party in his first year, he realized that women his age did not pique his interest.

‎“While my friends used all the flirty words in their arsenal to get the attention of the young women, I felt bored out of my mind,” Gitonga said.

‎At first, he brushed his disinterest under the rug, chalking it up to nerves of making the first move. However, after several months, he could no longer turn a blind eye to his insistent disinterest in women in his age group.

‎He explained that the events of one Friday night out with his friends would, however, turn what he thought he knew upside down.

Seated alone at a corner table after his friends headed to the dance floor, a waiter came to his table out of the blue with three drinks. 

‎“When I tried to inform him that there must have been some miscommunication, the waiter insisted that a certain woman had ordered free drinks for me,” Gitonga explained.

‎Looking in the direction the waiter was pointing, he saw a woman at the other corner of the club. Though attractive and chic, he realized that the woman was old enough to be his mother.

Despite the age difference that was glaring at him, he decided to approach this woman for small talk.

‎“Talking to her, I had an epiphany- older women were more my cup of tea romantically,” Gitonga stated.

‎Even though he tried to avoid this woman like the plague after the initial meeting, the romantic spark proved too difficult to blatantly ignore. After a few months of casual interactions, he finally decided last year to begin seriously dating her.

In spite of the blissful dating experience he has had so far, dating an older woman, he admitted that he continues to face opposition from all fronts.

‎“If it is not my friends constantly making fun of my choice, claiming that my only intent is money, my mother takes the mantle by rebuking the ‘spell’ that my girlfriend has on me,” Gitonga said.

‎Speaking from Wendani, Henry Wafula, recently single and aged 27, admitted that straying away from his preference for older women was the genesis of his recent relationship's crumbling.

Even though he knew that he preferred older women for romantic partners, the ridicule that would follow this resolve was enough to simmer down his desires at the time.

‎“After my male best friend ridiculed me for a whole month when I accidentally told him about my preference, I knew that ridicule would further plummet my emotional state,” Wafula said.

‎Eager to prove his best friend wrong, he decided to look for a girlfriend within his age group. Within two months, he chose a woman who was a year younger than him and studying on the same campus as he was.

In his mind, he consoled himself that a younger woman would not be too puzzling to be in a relationship. However, after the third month of dating, it dawned on him the kind of predicament he was in.

‎“It was as if we were talking different languages- we would always clash over the most trivial things, and reconciliation was even more uphill,” Wafula stated.

‎After a year of clutching at straws, he finally came to terms with the fact that his relationship was doomed from the beginning.

Though this relationship bore the promise of a ‘normal relationship’, he ultimately decided to break up with her, vowing to always stick to his preference for older women.

‎In the same breath, there are some young Kenyan men who cannot contemplate the idea of dating an older woman.

One such young man is Ethan Muchiri, currently single and aged 25.

Speaking from Pangani, he explained that he still rues the day he tried dating an older woman two years ago.

While still on campus at the time, there was a sudden augmentation of young men dating older women.

‎“My first introduction to the concept of young men dating older women was through a close friend- I would watch him be picked up every Friday night by an older woman who was his girlfriend at the time,” Muchiri said.

‎Though still perturbed by this concept, he decided to dip his toes in the world of dating older women.

The urge to avoid FOMO (fear of missing out) was the fuel that drove him to start dating an older woman who was recommended to him by his close friend.

‎Initially, the relationship was fairly pleasant for him. Agreeing to only meet on the weekends, he quickly adjusted to being the boyfriend of an older woman.

The dates at high-end restaurants and expensive gifts also helped simmer down his apprehension. However, after five months of dating, his girlfriend’s behaviour took a drastic turn.

‎“Her soft personality that she initially exuded was suddenly replaced by a cold personality with military approaches- no compromise would be made for the things she wanted,” Muchiri stated.

‎Within the blink of an eye, his girlfriend began treating him like a child. From what time he woke up to the attire that he adorned, his girlfriend insisted on weighing in on her opinion.

Soon, this toxic control transitioned to her constantly checking his phone and dictating which friends he could have.

‎“My masculinity that I had initially been proud of was stripped down as her control increased- I could no longer recognise the man who stared right back at me in the mirror.” Muchiri expressed.

‎Despite this toxicity, what broke the camel’s back in this relationship was when his girlfriend’s best friend let the cat out of the bag by revealing that his girlfriend was married.

After a whole year of putting up with the toxicity in this relationship, he realized that his efforts would have always been futile in a relationship with a foundation of lies.

‎“After several months of working on myself in therapy and regaining my masculinity, the possibility of devoting my love to an older woman is slim to none,” Muchiri stated.