Dating has always been a bit of a minefield, but for Gen Z, things seem to be shifting in unexpected ways. With social media blurring the lines between genuine connection and online performance, many young men are less inclined to make the first move. This trend has left many scratching their heads and asking: what's going on?

I spoke to five young Kenyans – three men and two women – to get to the heart of this evolving dating landscape.

From the Gents: "It's Not That Deep — We're Just Tired"

For some young men, the reasons behind this reluctance are surprisingly practical.

Kevin*, a 24-year-old campus Student, points directly to the financial side of things.

"The cost of maintaining a lady these days? From dates to gifts to expectations — it's like taking on another bill."

It seems the financial pressure of dating can feel like just another burden in an already challenging economic climate.

Brian*, another young man, admits that an age-old fear still plays a significant role: rejection.

"There’s no confidence in most guys anymore. The fear of hearing ‘no’ is louder than the desire to try. You add that to the rise of social media pressure, and it’s just easier not to try at all."

Dark side of dating in Kenya, infidelity, temptations, and intrigues

Social media, with its curated lives and instant judgments, appears to amplify these anxieties.

Jaymo*, a university student, believes it's a mix of changing expectations and personal priorities.

"Ladies’ expectations have changed — and that’s fine. But not everyone is financially or emotionally ready to meet that. Plus, I’m focused on building my future first. Dating feels optional, not necessary."

He also highlighted a potential communication gap: "We don’t always pick up on vibes or hints. We didn’t grow up learning that language."

From the Ladies: "We're Doing the Approaching Now — But We Still Want Effort"

The women we spoke to offered a different, yet equally insightful, perspective.

Sharon, a University Student, believes many Gen Z men are looking for a specific type of partner.

"Most Gen Z men are looking for a mother figure or someone already established. They want someone who can carry emotional and financial weight, which is ironic, because many don’t have their lives in order either."

Her friend, Lynette, observes a definite shift in who initiates contact.

"Gender norms are no longer fixed. I’ve approached men before — and it’s becoming the new normal. But even then, many guys don’t know how to respond. Most just lack the ‘game’ or effort."

It seems that while women are becoming more proactive, they still desire engagement and effort in return.

They also touched on important points about stability and emotional availability:

• "It’s not materialistic to want stability or security," says Lynette*. "We’re not asking for Bentleys — we just want consistency."

• Sharon* notes that the "fatherhood crisis" might be impacting how men perceive their role in relationships: "Many disqualify themselves before even trying. They think they can’t offer what a woman wants, so they stay away."

Where Does That Leave Modern Dating?

The conversations reveal a growing divide in the Gen Z dating world. Women are increasingly independent and assertive, willing to take the lead. Meanwhile, many men are becoming more hesitant, weighed down by financial pressures, fear of rejection, and a focus on personal growth.

Perhaps, as Jaymo* aptly put it:

"We’re all just trying to survive first, then love later."

It seems for many young people today, the pursuit of a stable future is taking precedence over romantic relationships. Only time will tell how this quiet shift will continue to reshape the landscape of modern dating.

Names marked with an asterisk (*) have been changed to protect the individuals’ privacy.