A discussion on Classic 105 FM has sparked widespread debate after presenters Maina Kageni and Mwalimu King’ang’i addressed a relationship habit that many women say leaves them emotionally drained men disappearing for days without communicating.

The conversation, shared on Classic 105 Kenya's social media pages, explored why some men switch off their phones, ignore calls and messages, then return home days later as though nothing happened.

Maina Kageni argued that many women are not asking for constant updates but simply want to know their partners are safe.
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"Your ladies just want to know where you were the whole time. Where did you get that habit?"Maina Kageni asked.

He recalled a recent conversation with a distressed woman.
"There is this lady I talked to yesterday, and she hasn't seen her husband since Saturday up to today. No calls, no messages, no communication at all. She doesn't know whether he's okay and where he is. Surely, where did men get this habit of disappearing without saying a word?"Maina Kageni said.

'You come back as a visitor in your own house'

Offering his perspective, Mwalimu King’ang’i suggested the behaviour is more common than many people realise.

"Two things are happening here, and it is particularly concerning men, and one of them is common to many men, and it happens more often than people would like to admit,"Mwalimu King’ang’i said.

He described how some men leave home without informing their families.
"There are men who disappear from home, leave on Wednesday, then come back on Tuesday the following week. You don't take calls, people don't know if you're alive or dead, and then you come back as a visitor in your own house. The issue of not communicating is everywhere, and it seems like so many women are dealing with the same thing," he added.

Why some men withdraw

King’ang’i argued that societal expectations sometimes make it difficult for men to express how they feel.

"As a man, you are not allowed to over-explain yourself because they will belittle you as a man. Ladies should know we also have periods — those monthly feelings where you don't want to talk to anyone — and that's the reason,"Mwalimu King’ang’i said.

Lost in scrolling // Gemini

His remarks quickly divided opinion online, with many agreeing that everyone needs personal space, while others maintained that silence should never replace communication.

Listeners weigh in

The discussion attracted hundreds of reactions from listeners, many sharing personal experiences and differing opinions.
Esther Jackie Agung sympathised with women left wondering whether their partners were safe.

"Sometimes your woman just wants to know if you are safe. The world is not safe these days, and when someone goes silent, it gets more frustrating. Imagine being asked for your husband's whereabouts and you answer that you don't know and maybe he is in danger somewhere.If you can't pick your call, just text, 'I am fine.' Sometimes 'Where are you?' doesn't mean 'Who are you with?'" she wrote.

David Nyagwoka offered a humorous explanation for why some men go missing.
"We go somewhere away from our families to meditate and figure out how things will work, you know, consult our ancestors. Even the referees go to check VAR on how things are going," he commented.
For Paul Chemrot, taking time alone is not necessarily a problem.
"Some alone time is necessary at times," he wrote.
However, Wan Anouk dismissed the explanations altogether, commenting:
"This is common sense. He has two families."

Communication remains central to healthy relationships.

Relationship experts have consistently identified communication as one of the key pillars of healthy relationships.
While spending time alone can be beneficial for mental wellbeing, counsellors generally encourage partners to communicate that need rather than disappear without explanation.
Lost in scrolling // Gemini

Classic 105 concluded the discussion by asking listeners how often couples should communicate and whether a single phone call a day is enough.

The conversation has continued to resonate online, highlighting the different expectations men and women have around communication, reassurance and personal space within relationships.