The modern marriage landscape is shifting. While divorce rates in some regions dropped by 18 per cent between 2008 and 2016, many progressive or "woke" couples are finding it harder to stay together.

In Kenya, the recent years have seen several high-profile splits. Kate Actress and Phil Karanja confirmed their separation after years of being seen as a "power couple."

Meanwhile, Simon and Sarah Kabu of Bonfire Adventures faced a very public rough patch, and rumors have frequently swirled around other "woke" pairings like King Kaka and Nana Owiti and the most recent one - Njugush and Celestine Ndinda.

But what makes it hard for these ‘woke’ couples to thrive in a marriage setting?

The "Two Captains" Problem

Sociologists suggest that progressive marriages often struggle with power dynamics. Modern relationships frequently aim for absolute equality in every single aspect.

According to the Institute for Family Studies, this is referred to as the "two captains" problem. When both partners refuse traditional roles, it can create constant power struggles. This lack of "complementarity" makes it difficult for a couple to work as a team.

"Relationships often rely on a balance of complementary roles... when both partners strongly emphasize absolute equality, it can lead to power struggles."

High Expectations and "Internal Cancel Culture"

Progressive individuals often hold their partners to very high ideological standards. In some cases, a "complaint culture" replaces empathy.

If a partner fails to meet these rigid standards, the relationship can suffer from what researchers call an "internal cancel culture." This leads to contempt, which is one of the primary predictors of divorce.

Individual Identity vs. The Union

Modern "woke" ideology places a heavy focus on individual empowerment and self-actualisation. While personal growth is important, it can sometimes undermine the sacrifice needed for a long-term commitment.

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Many now view marriage as a temporary contract rather than a permanent bond. This "throw-away" attitude means couples are less likely to work through difficult times.

"A focus on self-actualisation and independence can sometimes undermine the selflessness and sacrifice needed for long-term commitment."

The Science of Conflict

Relationship experts, such as the Gottmans, have identified four specific behaviours that kill marriages:

• Criticism
• Defensiveness
• Stonewalling
• Contempt

In high-conflict, ideologically driven environments, these behaviours are triggered more easily. This leads to a breakdown in communication that is hard to repair.

Shared Values: Family vs. Activism

Shared values are usually good for a marriage. However, the type of values matters.

Studies show that if a couple focuses mostly on social or political activism, they may face more conflict. In contrast, shared values focused on family-building and stability tend to lead to more lasting unions.

Historically, between 40 to 50 per cent of marriages ended in divorce. Millennials are currently credited with the uptick in successful marriages.