I enjoyed your piece last week titled Generational clash with parents. It was interesting that with every sentence I read, I responded in my mind. I had a dialogue with you without you even knowing. I bet you are wondering, “Who is this woman, and why is she yapping?”

While you have been analysing your parents’ parenting style vis-à-vis your generation's lifestyle, I have been questioning my own parenting style for the last few months.

I can't claim to be the wisest person I know, but I observe the world a lot and ask questions.

Through my recent experiences, I believe that I figured out the big secret of life. Life is simply circular. Your parents were once the rebellious teens who did not like the way they were raised. And here they are, raising you almost the same.

Here's a peak into your future: No matter how gentle of a parent you are, you will definitely use one of those phrases you mentioned. Since there is no script on parenting, we all just wing it. We try different methods and approaches and pray that we raise a half-decent human.

I am a young mother of two. A millennial raised in the dawn of a new era. I was raised by boomers and the silent generation, and here I am, raising a Gen Alpha and Beta.

I always imagined the parent I was going to be. To save us time, I am not what I imagined. My parenting style is based on my circumstances and the individual needs of my child. I range from "I love you" to “Don't you dare talk back to me, I am your mother!” It's funny that I only have a four-year-old and an eight-month-old, but I have used almost all the conflict phrases from your article.

For instance, I do not negotiate with my sons. I birthed them; from now until they are 18 years of age, they listen first. You mentioned the annoying phrase of “I carried you for nine months”. I do not use it. My feelings for that phrase changed when I had to have an emergency C-section and learn to walk through the pain to see my newborn in the NICU at odd hours of the night.

I was reborn that night. I joined the elite club of mother warriors who had been branded in the heart by an incredible force of love and protection. When it comes down to it, we have the power to lift cars off our babies and even kill to protect our young ones. Look at the animal kingdom, the most formidable creature out there is always a mother.

Some things I learnt in my thirties is that you understand your parents more as you age. You appreciate all the “no's” because they kept you safe. I learnt many things that explained the simple “no’s” and “because I said so's”.

Growing up, my father was pretty strict, but he had one rule with zero explanations: No sleepovers. It's only now that I understand that sleepovers are basically the number-one crime scenes. All the cops in the world will never allow their kids to go to sleepovers.

If you dig deep, the world is an ugly place. A place filled with ugliness and harsh realities that scare any parent to death. Those “no's” and “I said so's” hide what we do not want to expose our children to.

While you see a bustling matatu stage and bright sky, a parent sees imminent danger: a mugger, a drunk driver, a criminal lurking in the growing shadows… 

The 6pm rule has been in play for kids as far back as time goes. As kids growing up in Mombasa in the 90s, we knew better than to argue. The tap-tap of the microphone for the dusk call to prayer found us home. I believe the rule is still operational for parents who care about their children's well-being.

While your generation scrolls through TikTok challenges and videos of young influencers talking about their mental health, we parents are up late seeing the news for what it is. Missing kids, women found without organs, kids killing kids, child-on-child abuse, people going mad and attacking just about anyone.

Almost every morning, I show my husband a piece of news that burns my soul and alters my parenting plans because the reality of the world we live in is not lost on me.

So I have made my peace. I'm okay being the bad guy in my child's story if it means I’m doing my best to protect him from such horrors.