When you think of Valentine’s, what do you see? Red.

Red roses, red hearts, red everywhere. Red perfume, Red teddy bears, red chocolate wrappers, red everything shouting, love is here! And sometimes it is, yet other times, it’s just red flags waving directly in your face.

What fascinates me the most, though, is human behaviour around Valentine’s. People change for better or worse, but one thing for sure is that something shifts. That something will often define whether you are in a relationship or a situationship.

People start acting fun but in an almost always predictable manner. The signs show up quietly at first, maybe two weeks towards Valentine’s. Missed calls, delayed replies, sudden mood changes… but they all point to the same familiar explanations.

One: There’s someone else Maybe there’s not just you in the relationship. Maybe it’s a triangle. Maybe it’s a duo. Maybe your co-wife or co-husband or worse, your best friend, is in the mix. Valentine’s has a way of exposing complicated arrangements, especially when time, money and attention suddenly have to be accounted for.

Two: They’re not committed enough.

They disappear because they don’t want to splurge, don’t want to send the “wrong signals” and honestly don’t care enough. Valentine’s becomes inconvenient because it demands effort, and effort reveals intention. Silence, too, is a form of communication.

Three: Just broke

Now, this one is tricky because life is hard. The economy is unforgiving. Nairobi does not smile at anyone. But let’s be honest, chocolate exists. Ya fudge, brother John. A rose is 30 bob. Even a thoughtful message costs nothing. So if nothing is happening at all, money is no longer the issue. Priority is.

Then there are the ghostees.

Every Valentine’s season, that man or woman suddenly starts acting strange. “I’m busy at work,” he says — but Valentine’s falls on a Saturday this year. Busy where? Doing what? For who? The math is not mathing, and deep down, everyone knows it.

If this is you this Valentine’s, just pack your bags and run. Run because you are loved at home. Run because God loves you. Run because you are embarrassing your ancestors and the wo/men who fought, survived, sacrificed and endured so you could be here. Run because they did not survive everything they survived for you to tolerate confusion, silence and bare-minimum behaviour dressed up as love. Run because you should refuse to engage in anything that insults your bloodline. Run and don’t even think about looking back.

Still, none of this negates the flowers. Or the dates at GTC. Or the chocolates. Or the effort. Romance has its place, and when it is done right, it is beautiful. Please be loved and be loved right. Dress up. Go for the dates. Laugh loudly and live it fully.

And remember, love is not one thing. It is romance, yes, but it is also survival, presence and continuity. It is the steady hands that hold you through seasons. The people who grow with you instead of competing with you. The bonds that remain even when everything else falls apart.

Love is the person you call when you need something, and they show up without questions, without judgment, without hesitation. The one who listens while you spill every raw, messy piece of yourself. The one who holds you when your heart breaks and doesn’t rush you to heal. The one who lets you exist without masks, without pretending, without shrinking.

It is the love that sends a little help when life has left you hungry. The love that celebrates your small victories as fiercely as your biggest ones. The love that survives storms, heartbreak, failure, boredom, distance and ordinary, messy days.

Love is friendship.

So enjoy the romance. Take the pictures. Accept the flowers.

But choose consistency. Choose presence.

Choose the love that shows up even when nothing is being celebrated.

Because red is loud. But love is steady.