I saw a post somewhere on the Internet and I related to it so much. When I saw it, I thought, “This is exactly how I feel!” It was one of those New Year memes that said, “While others have FOMO (fear of missing out) I have FOBI (fear of being involved).” I guess after years of being the centre of the web in my family and in my social circles, I have had enough.

Just to be clear, I am not in the centre of drama and fights. I have by default become the administrator and mediator in my family. I have also been the go-to cousin or aunt. Being intricately involved in family affairs over the years has taken a toll on me. It has drained me financially, physically and psychologically. All during a span of time that I was going through my own things privately. Moving countries, homes, having kids, learning new languages and trying to build myself and my little family.

I may not believe in New Year’s resolutions, but if there is a goal I aspire to achieve this year, it is to not be involved. As such, I have been warning members of my family to not expect me to be doing what I have been doing. Some roles I have officially handed over, others, I’m quietly letting them disappear. I don’t want to do it, I don’t want to hear it and I don’t want to know anything about it.

There is a popular quote from Taraji Henson’s character of Cookie in the TV show ‘Empire’ that has officially turned into my motto of the year. Whenever someone calls to ask something of me, I say "I gotta put me first, Lucius.”

And I don’t just say it, I do it. I put myself in therapy for Sh3,000 an hour. I had a complete medical check up done for thousands of shillings. I buy myself things to help me look nice and smell nice, which goes to serve a mini goal of attracting positivity by always looking and smelling good. Any free time I have after taking care of my kids, I devote it towards the betterment of my home, my body, my finances and my mental health.

This doesn’t mean I still do not receive the occasional call and complaints, I do. I have taught myself to filter out the noise and only tend to the necessary. I’m also not going out of my way to do something like I used to before. I’m not bailing anyone out on a whim, and I’m not picking anyone else over myself. I’m also not falling for any guilt tripping.

Even as a mother, there are moments where I have to put myself first to give my children the best version of myself. I have moments where I turn to my husband and say, “I need a nap,” or “I need to go to the gym,” and he takes over because I just need that break.

Being in a position of constantly being needed in one way or another has changed me significantly. I can barely recognise myself. I have no time for dreams and ambitions.

I realise I have to correct this. For me to be the best version of myself, the best wife and mother, the best daughter and sister, the cool aunt I have always been, I have to fill my own cup first before I pour into others.

It’s like what they say on airplane emergency information: “You must put on your own mask first before you attempt to assist others.”