I was raised mostly by my maternal grandmother and my mother's side of the family. Even though my father's side is smaller and they always had strife, he made sure that we were at least acquainted and visited on certain celebrations.

I did not appreciate growing up in such an environment until I met my husband. In my inexposed mentality, I believed everyone had similar experiences growing up. My husband, unfortunately, did not meet any of his grandparents, and most of his extended family, with the exception of a handful of aunts and uncles. 

When we had our firstborn in Kenya, my husband couldn't fully grasp the concept of being raised in an extended family until he saw how the baby is welcomed as a beloved member of the family by all.

He always assumed leaving your child with someone else was inconsiderate, but seeing how people requested and offered to watch the child opened his eyes to the new world of being raised in an extended family.

My infant just turned four months. He was born in a world where only his mother, father and brother existed. Our stay in Mombasa the last few weeks has given him the delightful experience of being surrounded by so much love. From the old to the young, everyone is doting on him and caring for him in the best possible way. 

Seeing my son being cared for and loved by so many people is a bittersweet moment for me because I believe that all kids should grow up in such an environment. They should learn how to do things from their cousins, seek comfort in their grandmother's bosom, hide from their parents behind their grandfathers and so on. There is a lot of love and learning that happens when one grows in an extended family setting. 

Knowing that my children will only receive such love sporadically because we chose to live in the diaspora hurts my spirit. Seeing my older son trying to make friends and feeling left out in our environment at home, and knowing that what he needs from his older cousins at this age, is a hurtful part of the reality we live in. My son needs his cousins now; in a few years, his cousins will be much older and busy with their own things, and the window of him making a connection to them would have closed. 

Those of us who live far from our families live with a deficiency of love that we can only receive from our families at home. The realisation that our kids will grow up without this connection with the family at large is a bitter pill to swallow. Nothing will ever come close to the love my son is wallowing in right now.