Bigwig drops to his knees begging for top slot

A SEASONED POLITICAL bigwig is said to have gone on his knees pleading with the appointing authority not to bypass his region in the latest shake-up at a key state institution. The position fell vacant after its former occupant dramatically fell out with the top brass, triggering a swift replacement process. Our mole confides that the visibly uneasy politico raced to the boss after getting wind that the lucrative post was going to another region, allegedly warning that denying his region the seat would leave him exposed and politically vulnerable. The man supposedly fears the anti-establishment wave that's sweeping his region.

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IT SEEMS THAT the recent by-elections may have casualties across the political spectrum. Recently, a group of lawmakers who took centre stage in the by-elections but failed to deliver were kept waiting for several hours to see their party leader. The lawmakers sat in a hotel and in the end had to disperse after an aide of the big man purportedly said the boss was not in the mood of talking. And in another forum, while celebrating what appeared to be a big victory, the same party boss allegedly slammed one of his subordinates in the party with a "shame on you" comment. The party official has elected to forever keep silent.

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AS THE FESTIVE season nears, senior government officials face unusual pressure. Some players in the oversight sector have allegedly intensified summonses for heads of agencies under their purview, sessions they are required to appear in person. One official, having already submitted a conclusive response, was nonetheless compelled to travel to Mombasa to face the panel. Insiders report that some of the summonses are mere theatre, with the true objective surfacing during the sessions, including a possible push for Xmas gifts.

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THE PROBLEM OF politicians hiring goons appears to be getting out of hand. At a recent funeral ceremony, a lawmaker arrived late and still brought the entire event to an abrupt standstill. He reportedly showed up with a rowdy group of supporters chanting “tsunami, tsunami,” leaving mourners stunned at the disruption of the solemn occasion. Proceedings were halted for several minutes as the lawmaker and his entourage settled in. The politico then supposedly demanded a chance to speak, despite the fact that all political leaders had already delivered their remarks.